I hate feeling like I am on a rollercoaster one time up one time down.
Yesterday things were fine, I was in a great mood looking forward to spent
one more day with my kid, and leaving tomorrow for Ottawa with many plans.
This morning, I woke up feeling down and just wanting to stay in my bed. I
feel like canceling the whole trip.
Over the last days it was so easy I didn't even think about smoking, no
desire too. I came here to post and it was easy too. I just checked in
every day so I would not take my quit for granted.
Since, I woke up this morning all I can think off is smoking. Just
picturing
how much it would make me feel emotional better. Dammit even posting is
hard, it's so much easier just to go out hide and smoke. Go back in my
bed
and forget about the rest of the world.
But, the day I took my H and my signature back, was also the day were I
promised my self that the mood disorder is not taking over again. No, I
want
allow this ****y mood of mine make me smoke. NO NO NO....not today, maybe
tomorrow if I don't feel better.
Can PolarBears learn to cry too? /me wants to scream and cry and still
does
not know how.
a not so HappyPolarBear
--
"Failing to prepare is preparing to fail"
I will not fail. I will prove that Bipolars can
stay quit too
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