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circle and no way out (rant)

by "PolarBear" <carmensk@[EMAIL PROTECTED] > Jul 11, 2008 at 03:34 PM

My life is just going downhill. One thing leads to another.

Yesterday, I felt so bad that I opened my pack of cigarettes, grabbed some

matches and went to the backyard, finding myself playing with the idea
that 
smoking would make things better. I was fighting the urge to smoke all day

long.

Today was even worse:

We had my bosses retirement party. All week I pretended that I am glad
about 
my boss leaving. Truth is that I am very sad and know I am going to miss 
her. :( She was my biggest sup****t at work. She always was there when I
felt 
down. We had the same high work values... --- I just want to cry and
smoke.
My youngest daughter was supposed to come from Edmonton and than we were 
suppose to go on a short vacation to Ottawa, everything is booked. but now

she is having some marital problems over there and doesn't come anymore. 
I 
tried to tell myself that I don't care... :( I just want to cry and smoke
My husband doesn't go on any outside activities with me, he only likes
going 
to the mall which I hate. -- I want to cry and smoke
Constant arguments/ snapping... screaming... well you name it between me
and 
my husband --- he just makes a perfect target for my mood --- I want to
cry 
and smoke.
my house is a big big mess and I am to tiered to have any energy to clean
up 
anything -- I want to cry and smoke
I am still on dial up and have to share the internet time with hubby -- I 
want to cry and smoke
my whole e-mail system is down (Sympatico sucks) so I can't get in contact

with my psych or friends. - I want to cry and smoke
I haven't slept properly for the last nights and my mood is just going up 
and down. -- I want to smoke.
Hopefully Google is not shutting down.

I guess crying and smoking is not going to change a dam thing.

HappyPolarBear ---- not happy at all today :((my ****ing spell checker
took 
all the f... words out of my rant.)

-- 
"Failing to prepare is preparing to fail"
I will not fail. I will prove that Bipolars can
stay quit too
 




 14 Posts in Topic:
circle and no way out (rant)
"PolarBear" <  2008-07-11 15:34:04 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
eightpans <chrisconro@  2008-07-11 12:44:52 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
Tihomir <tgrebena@[EMA  2008-07-12 10:28:12 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
Marvin The Paranoid Andro  2008-07-11 16:36:51 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
eightpans <chrisconro@  2008-07-11 13:53:01 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
FlatIronMike <Flatiron  2008-07-11 15:47:44 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
Pam <PFaust@[EMAIL PRO  2008-07-11 16:21:41 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
"AZ" <zikra.  2008-07-11 15:51:15 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
"Matt" <some  2008-07-12 00:37:03 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
"Kathleen" <  2008-07-11 18:55:46 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
Sue <sebrady@[EMAIL PR  2008-07-11 17:20:55 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
Tihomir <tgrebena@[EMA  2008-07-12 10:26:18 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
"Lynn" <lynn  2008-07-12 09:35:17 
Re: circle and no way out (rant)
Stephanie <sajesqnyc@[  2008-07-12 06:11:24 

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tan12V112 Thu Nov 20 2:12:12 CST 2008.