A farmer called his pig "Ball Point." It wasn't its real name, just a
pen name.
*************************
I thought it would be nice to get a job at a duty-free shop, but it
doesn't sound like there's a whole heck of a lot to do.
*************************
Birds have bills too, but they keep on singing.
*************************
Sure, I felt stupid, but I was also mighty relieved when my doctor told
me the burning sensation I was experiencing while urinating was due to
standing too close to the campfire.
*************************
I knew of a bar owner who refused to serve Marines. He was rotten to the
corps.
*************************
Well, my girlfriend and I went to the Caribbean, and we made love three
times a day." "Jamaica?" "No, she did it quite voluntarily."
*************************
She was so Blonde when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around
the home, she moved.
She was so Blonde she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*************************
I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.
*************************
I keep falling off my bike, but I just get right back on it and ride.
I'm a firm believer in re-cycling.
*************************
When I was a kid, my dad and I had a running joke. If anyone asked what
he did for a living, I always said, "He's a s****ts mechanic. He fixes
boxing matches and horse races." Once I answered a teacher this way. She
flipped out and summoned my parents. Dad calmed her down by explaining
it was a joke. "So what do you do?" she asked. Dad, a sales rep for a
pharmaceutical company said, "I sell drugs."
*************************
Bernie took his wife Sadie to see a psychiatrist for a check up. After
examining her, the doctor took Bernie to one side and said, "I have some
very bad news for you. There is nothing I can do to help your wife. Her
mind has completely gone." "I'm not really surprised," Bernie replied,
"Sadie's been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 50 years."
*************************
My psychiatrist says I'm manic-depressive - I have mixed feelings about
that.
*************************
Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking females.
One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow manure and dives down
toward her. "Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm, "but is this
stool taken?"
*************************
The most famous inventor is an Irishman called Pat Pending.
*************************
Automatic e-mail replies: I will be out of the office for the next two
weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Lucille
instead of Steve.
*************************
Did you hear what the dyslexic Highway Patrolman did on New Year's? He
spent the whole night handing out I.U.D.'s
*************************
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
|
