It's No One again...
Last nite, Sunday, I got a call from my temp service employer telling me
that my assignment is over. I've waited for this moment for a long time,
because the job was terrible and it's been extremely difficult working
full-time and going to school full-time. The job was chaos -- changing
managers, rules, lack of training, just nonsense. Still, I stuck it out,
and
even got a raise last week. Yes, a raise. They told me "congratulations."
However, the new management made a new rule -- be at your seat and logged
in
exactly at the beginning of your ****ft time. Excessive absences, lateness,
and not being "logged in" on time would result in possible termination.
Keep in mind that it's impossible to be logged in at your time because one
****ft ends exactly when another leaves, and most of the time someone is
either in your seat, staying overtime, or just not done with their final
order so they "stick around." At this time, when the ****fts are mixed,
there
are six "team leads" running around like a chinese fire drill. A team lead
gets paid $19 an hour to sit around and send emails all day, telling you
which queues to pull orders from. But enough about that.
Since their new "no late" rule was enacted, I asked permission to change
my
schedule so I could start at 4pm instead of 3:30pm. Twice a week, I come
from work directly after class. Class ends at 3:30pm, so I get to work by
4.
This was approved by my temp staffing service and my team leader.
However, I got the call Sunday night that my assignment is over. I'm
happy,
but my unemployment won't kick in for a few weeks (waiting week), and the
amount will not be much, $150 a week tops. To survive until I graduate in
December (4 year accounting degree), i'll have to pay rent late, and get
help from my mom and friends. Nothing new. Having the night off, and being
depressed, I decided to meet a girl i've been talking to online. She lives
about 25 miles away, and even though I hate driving places i'm not
familiar
with, I decided to go. The plan was for her to stay over.
So I finally find her college, it's not too long of a drive but "long
enough". She's waving and we chat, she gets in and we take off back to my
place. The plan was to sleep over my apartment, watch ****, ****, etc. As
soon as she's in the car though, I really don't like her. Countless times
before, when I've met women, they ended up telling me the same thing --
either lying to get out of the situation, or egging me on until the date
was
over only to tell me "you're not my type." Fair enough. So immediately I
wanted her to get out of my car and I would just drive home. But I stuck
with it.
We have a decent enough conversation, but my mind is on other things. How
am
I going to pay my bills? Will I find a job after graduation? Plus, I've
felt
so guilty about missing cl*****, being lazy, being laid off, always
needing
help. It's like I don't want to be bothered by anyone. I just want to
sleep.
So we get back to my place, talk awhile, she's nice. a nice conversation,
but I can't see myself being with or hanging out with this girl much. We
start to watch some ****o, and 30 minutes later she's giving me a blowjob.
It wasn't bad. I enjoyed it. I was thinking of other things 1) my life
sucks
and 2) i'm not really attracted to her but hey, I like it. Then, I bust
out
the condoms and i'm ****ing her, doggiestyle. It was "all right." Her
words
when I was ****ing her started off hot, but with everything going through
my
mind I got turned off really quick and almost starting laughing from how
absurd it all was.
Her words of choice were: "Do you like that young *****? Do you like that
young, wet *****? Do you like that young, fresh 19 year old *****?" Over
and
over and over and over. All the while I'm pounding away, 10,000 things on
my
mind, and trying to figure out a way so that she doesn't "sleep over" my
apartment. And I must be COMPLETELY depressed, because she loves "facials"
and for the first time in a LONG time, I pulled the condom off, she sat
up,
and I came on her face. It was CRAZY. I never really experienced anything
like that, and I even feel guilty because I didn't even really ENJOY IT.
Then we're sitting there, she wants to **** again, and I can't even get it
up really, so I did her doggiestyle with a condom and then "faked" an
orgasm
so I could stop. I made up a story that I called my brother and I *had to*
watch my nephew tomorrow so if she stayed over she'd be alone at my
apartment for 7 hours. She was cool with that, and didn't want to leave,
but
then I told her it's going too fast, and we'd hang out *tomorrow*. Then
after awhile I drove her back, then drove myself back home.
She's a nice person. But she smokes. I'm really not attracted to her. I
have
tons of issues, money problems, no job. I feel guilty. I just feel
"distant"
and negative. I should have never picked her up. I think I deserve someone
attractive and successful. My room sees action now and again, but they're
not what you call "winners." I guess i'm not either if i'm sobbing over
losing a temp job. The world is a crazy place. I'm going to try and keep
talking to her and be her friend. I don't want to drive up there again.
Can anyone relate?
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