On Jul 27, 4:13 pm, "Michaela" <my...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> phelbooth wrote:
> >>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term relation****p and
> forget
> >>> the need to tell that special someone that you have pride in who
> >>> they are and what they do.
>
> >> You use the word "natural"; I would use "unnatural" if romance
> still
> >> soaks the sheets. If opposite grains have attracted, time can
> easily
> >> turn into the rocks that separate.
>
> >>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
>
> >> No - it's being taken for granted.
>
> >>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if they give
> >>> out a compliment?
>
> >> Yes, some are so out-of-touch and lacking self-esteem that
> >> complements might have to much of an uplifting effect.
>
> >>> Maybe we are led to believe we shouldn't need praise from our
> >>> spouse, that if we have pride in ourself, we shouldn't need to
> hear
> >>> it from our partner.
>
> >> In a world far far away in another galaxy, that might be so; when
> >> man/woman have evolved into a uni*** robotic object. But, here on
> >> earth - we all need praise. The question is how often and for what.
>
> > We do need praise, or at least someone to recognize we're trying (my
> > feeling it doensnt have to be praise, as in ya did a good job, but
> > recognition, as in I know how hard ya tried). You did a good
> > job=soemone else's appraisal of you and your efforts, based on their
> > beliefs, (usually). "I know how hard you tried" means that who ever
> > said that recognizes who you are, how you try in your own way, and
> > even if it's not "as good as" that person's own attempts/effots at
> > whatever, it recognizes your position in the world.
>
> I agree fully. Everyone just wants to be recognised/acknowledged.
> It's incredible how even the most vociferous ego (I've noticed this
> with my own) can be instantaneously quelled once recognised.
>
> > My entire in-laws and steps, excpet for stepson, can neither say "Ya
> > did a good job Fill" or "Ya tried the best ya could Fill." For them,
> > it's always in terms of what I did wrong. For me, they remain TOXIC.
>
> Perhaps there's something you could do to help? I only say this
> because I've often spoken about my in-laws and how it took *my*
> change of attitude "to change them".
>
> - Michaela
Well, I just about bent over backwards "doing things to help"--many
members of this newsgroup were telling me to not be such a doormat, to
not take that kind of #%*@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
for quite some time before I decided quiet
resignation would be the only strategy I could live with. You might
not have joined the group when I was going thru all that. So, yeah, I
guess I did change my attitude--from that of "doing whatever I could
to try to connect" to "doing nothing."
I don't think they need to change. They are who they are, and that
they cannot accept who I am is part of who they are. While this is a
relatively unusual occurence for me, of course there have been other
people who don't like me for whatever reasons, and that's OK, too. It
just smarts more when you want a strong extended/blended family, and
you work for it, and find that you're the only one who really wants
that--the others might just prefer you dead.
|
