phelbooth wrote:
>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term relation****p and
forget
>>> the need to tell that special someone that you have pride in who
>>> they are and what they do.
>>
>> You use the word "natural"; I would use "unnatural" if romance
still
>> soaks the sheets. If opposite grains have attracted, time can
easily
>> turn into the rocks that separate.
>>
>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
>>
>> No - it's being taken for granted.
>>
>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if they give
>>> out a compliment?
>>
>> Yes, some are so out-of-touch and lacking self-esteem that
>> complements might have to much of an uplifting effect.
>>
>>> Maybe we are led to believe we shouldn't need praise from our
>>> spouse, that if we have pride in ourself, we shouldn't need to
hear
>>> it from our partner.
>>
>> In a world far far away in another galaxy, that might be so; when
>> man/woman have evolved into a uni*** robotic object. But, here on
>> earth - we all need praise. The question is how often and for what.
>
> We do need praise, or at least someone to recognize we're trying (my
> feeling it doensnt have to be praise, as in ya did a good job, but
> recognition, as in I know how hard ya tried). You did a good
> job=soemone else's appraisal of you and your efforts, based on their
> beliefs, (usually). "I know how hard you tried" means that who ever
> said that recognizes who you are, how you try in your own way, and
> even if it's not "as good as" that person's own attempts/effots at
> whatever, it recognizes your position in the world.
I agree fully. Everyone just wants to be recognised/acknowledged.
It's incredible how even the most vociferous ego (I've noticed this
with my own) can be instantaneously quelled once recognised.
> My entire in-laws and steps, excpet for stepson, can neither say "Ya
> did a good job Fill" or "Ya tried the best ya could Fill." For them,
> it's always in terms of what I did wrong. For me, they remain TOXIC.
Perhaps there's something you could do to help? I only say this
because I've often spoken about my in-laws and how it took *my*
change of attitude "to change them".
- Michaela
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