phelbooth wrote:
> On Jul 25, 11:09 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> wrote:
>> phelbooth wrote:
>>> On Jul 23, 9:47 pm, "S.D." <s...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>> On Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:35:52 -0700 (PDT), phelbooth wrote:
>>>>> My entire in-laws and steps, excpet for stepson, can neither say "Ya
>>>>> did a good job Fill" or "Ya tried the best ya could Fill." For them,
>>>>> it's always in terms of what I did wrong. For me, they remain TOXIC.
>>
>>>> Sounds as if those you speak of are somewhat dysfunctional. Sorry,
>>>> coping with that can be frustrating and ungratifying.
>>
>>> Well, they function well as they can in the world they know.
>>
>> Perhaps. This may be the essence of it.
>>
>>> They just kinda need me to validate their world by not being like it.
If
>>> I'm unlike it, I'm wrong, which validates their correctness.
>>
>> :-(
>>
>>> Example: Stepdaughter. For five years, wouldn't speak to me (except
>>> once, when she needed me to help her write an essay to get into a top
>>> notch grad school. Silly me was snowed, thinking she was accepting me,
>>> helped a lot.) Anway, wouldn't speak to me for five years--everything
>>> I did--write letters, send emails, photos, gifts, make cards (I like
>>> to scrap) was not good enuf/said wrong.
>>
>> That's pretty sad.
>>
>>> So, after five years, I stop.
>>> Now, suddenly, she's sending these "joint' emails to me and her dad,
>>> and *****ing that I don;t respond. So not saying/doing anything isn't
>>> good enuf either. Lose, Lose!!
>>
>>> I just don't play. Let my husband play the silly stuff. I got my own
>>> kids with their own F-ked upedness from all kinds of stuff I did wrong
>>> and their dad dying when they were young too.
>>
>>> We all function the best we can in whatever worlds we can see.
>>
>> I guess so. I'm not sure about the "best" part, but, whatever.
>
> I stand humbly corrected. Many of us function to the best of our
> abilities at the time in whatever worlds we can. Does that work :)
It is the best of our "abilities"? Or is it simply the only thing we
can
see, and it's just a dumb, primordial, Pavlov-like response? But
perhaps
the distinction is moot. (I can be pretty harshfully judgemental of
myself
too, so at least that's not hypocritical)
> (Clearly, there are times in past worlds where I was not functioning
> the best I could, tho sadly, it was the best I was able to at that
> time. Shameful to think back on some of those moments)
Yeah, I expect that is true for all of us.
I'm not too good in the forgiveness dept, and that includes me - and the
rest of the world.
> It's a new day, Bill! How are things with you? (I've rambled about me
> a lot lately, sorry.
Don't be.
> Just a lot of self-reflection going on.
I know how that goes....
> And some underlying sadness that I just can't quite pinpoint.
And that too. All too well.
> Sometimes I wish
> I'd just believe in the simple black/white ways so many others do. For
> example, whenever I watch any war movie, I start crying. Because here
> I am watching the movie 300 (which I love) and I start balling because
> I start thinking about all the people dying in Iraq, Afg., the Sudan,
> Darfur, etc etc etc and how I'm just sitting around watching a movie.
>
> dear allah, i am Weird.
Me too.
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