phelbooth wrote:
> On Jul 12, 2:10 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> wrote:
>> phelbooth wrote:
>>> On Jul 10, 1:35 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>> wrote:
>>>> phelbooth wrote:
>>>>> On Jul 8, 3:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>> phelbooth wrote:
>>>>>>> On Jul 4, 2:18 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 7:16 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie"
<nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> relation****p and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you have pride in who they are and what they do.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> worth if they give out a
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> compliment?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> it makes
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You
end
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> up
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> giving up, and you either go the way of self-doubt
or
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> watch You Tube crapola
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> anyways!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> someone said those words to you?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> especially between couples after the honeymoon is
over.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> husband
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> is that it sets up an expectation in your head that it
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> just
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> IS, and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose*
not
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you
perogative.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> But I
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> general and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> state
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> that is not true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Maybe it does.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> differ
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> as
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> lead
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> one to some answers they have not considered and maybe
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> some suggestions of where to go from
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> here.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> DON'T
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Like hell I don't.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything
I
>>>>>>>>>>>>> do
>>>>>>>>>>>>> to find out what is going on in my situation and the
>>>>>>>>>>>>> resolutions I
>>>>>>>>>>>>> strive for.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as
to
>>>>>>>>>>>>> whether
>>>>>>>>>>>>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not
>>>>>>>>>>>>> living
>>>>>>>>>>>>> there to see and hear it.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> You seem to focus on
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars,
at
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> least on here.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> issues
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> have come to a close. If you have had an issue like that
you
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> would
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> way
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> or the other way around?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Bad to good.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital
B.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Reeling is
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> live like that
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I was willing to risk losing it to change it. But again,
that
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> me. The
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> gna****ng of teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Kudos, sincerely.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing
>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>>>> quiet
>>>>>>>>>>>>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends,
I
>>>>>>>>>>>>> *am* left floundering.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some
as
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> well.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> So now it is the little things that, try as I might, I
want
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> not make
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not
bring
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> in the past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> go.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When
do
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you get to be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I
want
>>>>>>>>>>>>> those
>>>>>>>>>>>>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with
>>>>>>>>>>>>> time
>>>>>>>>>>>>> they will diminsh.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH
>>>>>>>>>>>>> telling
>>>>>>>>>>>>> me he is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those
bad
>>>>>>>>>>>>> feelings.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I thought I would post to the others who are in similar
>>>>>>>>>>>>> situations
>>>>>>>>>>>>> and see if they felt it would make a big difference in their
>>>>>>>>>>>>> own
>>>>>>>>>>>>> lives if they heard something like that on occassion.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and
>>>>>>>>>>>> telling
>>>>>>>>>>>> you so, that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better
about
>>>>>>>>>>>> this within
>>>>>>>>>>>> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone
else).
>>>>>>>>>>>> So when he offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to
>>>>>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>>>>>> boiled potatoes!
>>>>>>>>>>>> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on
>>>>>>>>>>>> their own. :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
>>>>>>>>>>> I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to
>>>>>>>>>>> conclusions
>>>>>>>>>>> and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't
>>>>>>>>>>> know,
>>>>>>>>>>> I kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the
>>>>>>>>>>> fall-out
>>>>>>>>>>> after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> The reason for the post though, was something I had never
>>>>>>>>>>> considered.
>>>>>>>>>>> You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have
someone
>>>>>>>>>>> appreciate you, that is kind of big.
>>>>>>>>>>> It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of
people
>>>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>>>> know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it
doesn't
>>>>>>>>>>> come quite as easy for others
>>
>>>>>>>>>> Right. Or it's not even on their radar. (we all have somewhat
>>>>>>>>>> different radars :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> and that makes it hard for me to understand
>>>>>>>>>>> when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
>>
>>>>>>>>>> Well - but we're all different. If your (or anyone's, for that
>>>>>>>>>> matter)
>>>>>>>>>> expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.
>>
>>>>>>>>> Gads, is that the key to life or what?
>>
>>>>>>>> It would be great in an ideal world. :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>> Anyway you can teach someone to live without any expectations?
>>>>>>>>> Sign
>>>>>>>>> me up.
>>
>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>>>> LOL. I've heard that drugs "help". :-)
>>
>>>>>>> Drugs help teaching or living without expectations? :)
>>
>>>>>> Living without expectations, as in, everything is bliss. Errr, at
>>>>>> least for awhile. :-)
>>
>>>>> What kind of drugs do that? Sign me up. I have a nonblissful
situation
>>>>> or two I'd just as soon morph into bliss.
>>
>>>> I thought dope was supposed to do that ... at least for a limited
>>>> while.
>>>> :-)
>>>> Heroin? Morphine? Ecstasy?
>>>> Seriously, isn't that why drug addicts are addicts? They find some
>>>> "good
>>>> stuff" which gives them pleasure and a good "high". And then it
>>>> either
>>>> stops working, or the required dosage keeps going up, or a host of
>>>> other
>>>> complications and health problems ensue, least of all financing it.
>>
>>>> Such a bummer...
>>
>>> Well, too, Moonbeams, if you take away the nonblissful situations,
>>> then you can't enjoy the blissful ones as much, can you?
>>
>> Ummm, I'm willing to give it a go. Where's the sign up sheet?
>>
>>> I mean, isn't part of what makes the good things in our lives so
>>> unbelievably
>>> blissful (like my husband) heightened by the juxtaposition to the
>>> nonblissful -- either crummy first marriage, in my case, or perhaps
>>> extended family toxicity...heh, heh
>>
>> I'm tired of the juxtaposition. (But if you want more, I'll gladly
****p
>> ya
>> some. :-)
>> Or as the saying goes, I think I've lived too long already...
>>
>>> (I've been reading The Invisible Man, HG Wells, so I'm heh heh-ing a
>>> lot these days)
>>> Fill
>>
>> That was another classic.
>> Haven't been reading much lately over here, but I do watch Book TV (on
>> CSPAN2), and love it (along with TCM, one of my favorite channels, esp.
>> the 40's flicks! pure escapism)
>
> Explain "tired of the juxtapostion" and what anything might be like
> without it, and leave out the pills you were telling me about
Ummm. I'm not sure I can.... Either you see it, or you don't. :-)
> I think juxtaposing is how we make sense of a lot of things. I talked
> with my students, many who thought Iraq was responsible for 9-11,
Oh lovely...! Talking about being clueless! (are we talking about those
students, or about Bush and Cheney? (nevermind, it's a rather poor joke)
> and they talked about how the images of 9-11 were juxtaposed to Bush's
> talking about Iraq and Saddam Hussein. They put them together, made
> meaning. Hhhhrrrumpppthhhh.
>
> But at least they had good reasons WHY they thought the two were
> connected.
>
> Read a book, don't watch book tv! Sheesh, Bill, Fill
Hey, there is nothing wrong with watching Book TV on CSPAN2. Have you
ever even done it? Don't knock it till you've tried it.
It's where the author (often very well-reknown) discusses his/her book,
and
then afterwards, takes questions from the folks in the audience (it's
almost
always hosted in a local bookstore), and then does some booksigning at the
end. It is good, and the interactivity is nice.
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