phelbooth wrote:
> On Jul 10, 1:35 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> wrote:
>> phelbooth wrote:
>>> On Jul 8, 3:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>> wrote:
>>>> phelbooth wrote:
>>>>> On Jul 4, 2:18 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 7:16 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co"
<surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie"
<nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> relation****p
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that
you
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> have pride in who they are and what they do.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth
if
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> they give out a compliment?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment
it
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> makes
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end
up
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> giving up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't
watch
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> You
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> someone
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> said those words to you?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> especially between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> husband
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> is that it sets up an expectation in your head that it
just
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> IS, and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> But
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> general
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental
state
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> is not true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Maybe it does.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can
differ
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> as
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> lead
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> one to some answers they have not considered and maybe
some
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> suggestions of where to go from here.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> DON'T
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Like hell I don't.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
>>>>>>>>>>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
>>>>>>>>>>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I
do
>>>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>>>> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions
I
>>>>>>>>>>> strive
>>>>>>>>>>> for.
>>>>>>>>>>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to
>>>>>>>>>>> whether
>>>>>>>>>>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not
living
>>>>>>>>>>> there to see and hear it.
>>>>>>>>>>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> You seem to focus on
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> least
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> on here.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy
>>>>>>>>>>>>> issues
>>>>>>>>>>>>> have come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you
>>>>>>>>>>>>> would
>>>>>>>>>>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good
way
>>>>>>>>>>>> or
>>>>>>>>>>>> the other way around?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Bad to good.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B.
>>>>>>>>>>>> Reeling is
>>>>>>>>>>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going
to
>>>>>>>>>>>> live
>>>>>>>>>>>> like that
>>>>>>>>>>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and
that
>>>>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>>>>> was willing to risk losing it to change it. But again, that
is
>>>>>>>>>>>> me. The
>>>>>>>>>>>> gna****ng of teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Kudos, sincerely.
>>>>>>>>>>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing
and
>>>>>>>>>>> quiet
>>>>>>>>>>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I
>>>>>>>>>>> *am*
>>>>>>>>>>> left floundering.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as
>>>>>>>>>>>>> well.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> So now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want
to
>>>>>>>>>>>>> not make
>>>>>>>>>>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring
>>>>>>>>>>>>> in
>>>>>>>>>>>>> the past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do
>>>>>>>>>>>> you
>>>>>>>>>>>> get to be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want
>>>>>>>>>>> those
>>>>>>>>>>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with
time
>>>>>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>>>>>> will diminsh.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH
telling
>>>>>>>>>>> me
>>>>>>>>>>> he is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad
>>>>>>>>>>> feelings.
>>>>>>>>>>> I thought I would post to the others who are in similar
>>>>>>>>>>> situations
>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own
>>>>>>>>>>> lives
>>>>>>>>>>> if they heard something like that on occassion.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>>>>>> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and
>>>>>>>>>> telling
>>>>>>>>>> you so, that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better about
>>>>>>>>>> this
>>>>>>>>>> within
>>>>>>>>>> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else).
>>>>>>>>>> So
>>>>>>>>>> when he offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the
>>>>>>>>>> boiled
>>>>>>>>>> potatoes!
>>>>>>>>>> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on
>>>>>>>>>> their
>>>>>>>>>> own. :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>> Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
>>>>>>>>> I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to
>>>>>>>>> conclusions
>>>>>>>>> and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't
know,
>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>> kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the fall-out
>>>>>>>>> after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>>
>>>>>>>>> The reason for the post though, was something I had never
>>>>>>>>> considered.
>>>>>>>>> You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
>>>>>>>>> appreciate you, that is kind of big.
>>>>>>>>> It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people
I
>>>>>>>>> know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it doesn't
>>>>>>>>> come
>>>>>>>>> quite as easy for others
>>
>>>>>>>> Right. Or it's not even on their radar. (we all have somewhat
>>>>>>>> different
>>>>>>>> radars :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>> and that makes it hard for me to understand
>>>>>>>>> when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
>>
>>>>>>>> Well - but we're all different. If your (or anyone's, for that
>>>>>>>> matter)
>>>>>>>> expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.
>>
>>>>>>> Gads, is that the key to life or what?
>>
>>>>>> It would be great in an ideal world. :-)
>>
>>>>>>> Anyway you can teach someone to live without any expectations?
Sign
>>>>>>> me up.
>>
>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>> LOL. I've heard that drugs "help". :-)
>>
>>>>> Drugs help teaching or living without expectations? :)
>>
>>>> Living without expectations, as in, everything is bliss. Errr, at
>>>> least
>>>> for awhile. :-)
>>
>>> What kind of drugs do that? Sign me up. I have a nonblissful situation
>>> or two I'd just as soon morph into bliss.
>>
>> I thought dope was supposed to do that ... at least for a limited
while.
>> :-)
>> Heroin? Morphine? Ecstasy?
>> Seriously, isn't that why drug addicts are addicts? They find some
>> "good
>> stuff" which gives them pleasure and a good "high". And then it
either
>> stops working, or the required dosage keeps going up, or a host of
other
>> complications and health problems ensue, least of all financing it.
>>
>> Such a bummer...
>
> Well, too, Moonbeams, if you take away the nonblissful situations,
> then you can't enjoy the blissful ones as much, can you?
Ummm, I'm willing to give it a go. Where's the sign up sheet?
> I mean, isn't part of what makes the good things in our lives so
> unbelievably
> blissful (like my husband) heightened by the juxtaposition to the
> nonblissful -- either crummy first marriage, in my case, or perhaps
> extended family toxicity...heh, heh
I'm tired of the juxtaposition. (But if you want more, I'll gladly ****p
ya
some. :-)
Or as the saying goes, I think I've lived too long already.
> (I've been reading The Invisible Man, HG Wells, so I'm heh heh-ing a
> lot these days)
> Fill
That was another classic.
Haven't been reading much lately over here, but I do watch Book TV (on
CSPAN2), and love it. (along with TCM, one of my favorite channels, esp
the 40's flicks)
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