On Jul 10, 1:35 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
wrote:
> phelbooth wrote:
> > On Jul 8, 3:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> > wrote:
> >> phelbooth wrote:
> >>> On Jul 4, 2:18 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>> wrote:
> >>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>> On Jul 3, 7:16 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co"
<surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
> >>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie"
<nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> relation****p
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that
you
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> have pride in who they are and what they do.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth
if
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> they give out a compliment?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment
it
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> makes
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end
up
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> giving up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't
watch
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> You
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> someone
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> said those words to you?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements,
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> especially between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> husband
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> is that it sets up an expectation in your head that it
just
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> IS, and
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not
to
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative.
But
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> I
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> general
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental
state
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> that
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> is not true.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Maybe it does.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can
differ
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> as
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe
lead
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> one to some answers they have not considered and maybe
some
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> suggestions of where to go from here.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically
DON'T
> >>>>>>>>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Like hell I don't.
>
> >>>>>>>>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>
> >>>>>>>>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
> >>>>>>>>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
> >>>>>>>>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I
do
> >>>>>>>>> to
> >>>>>>>>> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions
I
> >>>>>>>>> strive
> >>>>>>>>> for.
> >>>>>>>>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to
> >>>>>>>>> whether
> >>>>>>>>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not
living
> >>>>>>>>> there to see and hear it.
> >>>>>>>>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> You seem to focus on
> >>>>>>>>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at
> >>>>>>>>>>>> least
> >>>>>>>>>>>> on here.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy
> >>>>>>>>>>> issues
> >>>>>>>>>>> have come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you
> >>>>>>>>>>> would
> >>>>>>>>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>
> >>>>>>>>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good
way or
> >>>>>>>>>> the other way around?
>
> >>>>>>>>> Bad to good.
>
> >>>>>>>>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B.
> >>>>>>>>>> Reeling is
> >>>>>>>>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going
to
> >>>>>>>>>> live
> >>>>>>>>>> like that
> >>>>>>>>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and
that I
> >>>>>>>>>> was willing to risk losing it to change it. But again, that
is
> >>>>>>>>>> me. The
> >>>>>>>>>> gna****ng of teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>
> >>>>>>>>> Kudos, sincerely.
> >>>>>>>>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing
and
> >>>>>>>>> quiet
> >>>>>>>>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I
*am*
> >>>>>>>>> left floundering.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as
> >>>>>>>>>>> well.
> >>>>>>>>>>> So now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want
to
> >>>>>>>>>>> not make
> >>>>>>>>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring
in
> >>>>>>>>>>> the past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>
> >>>>>>>>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do
you
> >>>>>>>>>> get to be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>
> >>>>>>>>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want
> >>>>>>>>> those
> >>>>>>>>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with
time
> >>>>>>>>> they
> >>>>>>>>> will diminsh.
>
> >>>>>>>>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH
telling me
> >>>>>>>>> he is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad
> >>>>>>>>> feelings.
> >>>>>>>>> I thought I would post to the others who are in similar
situations
> >>>>>>>>> and
> >>>>>>>>> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own
lives
> >>>>>>>>> if they heard something like that on occassion.
>
> >>>>>>>>> Vickie
>
> >>>>>>>> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and
> >>>>>>>> telling
> >>>>>>>> you so, that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better about
> >>>>>>>> this
> >>>>>>>> within
> >>>>>>>> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else).
So
> >>>>>>>> when he offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the
> >>>>>>>> boiled
> >>>>>>>> potatoes!
> >>>>>>>> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on
their
> >>>>>>>> own. :-)
>
> >>>>>>> Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
> >>>>>>> I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to
> >>>>>>> conclusions
> >>>>>>> and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't
know, I
> >>>>>>> kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the fall-out
> >>>>>>> after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>
> >>>>>>> The reason for the post though, was something I had never
> >>>>>>> considered.
> >>>>>>> You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
> >>>>>>> appreciate you, that is kind of big.
> >>>>>>> It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people
I
> >>>>>>> know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it doesn't
> >>>>>>> come
> >>>>>>> quite as easy for others
>
> >>>>>> Right. Or it's not even on their radar. (we all have somewhat
> >>>>>> different
> >>>>>> radars :-)
>
> >>>>>>> and that makes it hard for me to understand
> >>>>>>> when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
>
> >>>>>> Well - but we're all different. If your (or anyone's, for that
> >>>>>> matter)
> >>>>>> expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.
>
> >>>>> Gads, is that the key to life or what?
>
> >>>> It would be great in an ideal world. :-)
>
> >>>>> Anyway you can teach someone to live without any expectations?
Sign
> >>>>> me up.
>
> >>>>> Vickie
>
> >>>> LOL. I've heard that drugs "help". :-)
>
> >>> Drugs help teaching or living without expectations? :)
>
> >> Living without expectations, as in, everything is bliss. Errr, at
least
> >> for awhile. :-)
>
> > What kind of drugs do that? Sign me up. I have a nonblissful situation
> > or two I'd just as soon morph into bliss.
>
> I thought dope was supposed to do that ... at least for a limited while.
> :-)
> Heroin? Morphine? Ecstasy?
> Seriously, isn't that why drug addicts are addicts? They find some
"good
> stuff" which gives them pleasure and a good "high". And then it either
> stops working, or the required dosage keeps going up, or a host of other
> complications and health problems ensue, least of all financing it.
>
> Such a bummer...
Well, too, Moonbeams, if you take away the nonblissful situations,
then you can't enjoy the blissful ones as much, can you? I mean, isn't
part of what makes the good things in our lives so unbelievably
blissful (like my husband) heightened by the juxtaposition to the
nonblissful -- either crummy first marriage, in my case, or perhaps
extended family toxicity...heh, heh
(I've been reading The Invisible Man, HG Wells, so I'm heh heh-ing a
lot these days)
Fill
|
