phelbooth wrote:
> On Jul 8, 3:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> wrote:
>> phelbooth wrote:
>>> On Jul 4, 2:18 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>> wrote:
>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>> On Jul 3, 7:16 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> relation****p
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that you
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> have pride in who they are and what they do.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> they give out a compliment?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment it
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> makes
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end up
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> giving up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't watch
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> You
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> someone
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> said those words to you?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> especially between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> husband
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> is that it sets up an expectation in your head that it just
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> IS, and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not
to
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative.
But
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> general
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental state
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> is not true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Maybe it does.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can differ
>>>>>>>>>>>>> as
>>>>>>>>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe
lead
>>>>>>>>>>>>> one to some answers they have not considered and maybe some
>>>>>>>>>>>>> suggestions of where to go from here.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically
DON'T
>>>>>>>>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Like hell I don't.
>>
>>>>>>>>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>>
>>>>>>>>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
>>>>>>>>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
>>>>>>>>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I do
>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions I
>>>>>>>>> strive
>>>>>>>>> for.
>>>>>>>>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to
>>>>>>>>> whether
>>>>>>>>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not living
>>>>>>>>> there to see and hear it.
>>>>>>>>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> You seem to focus on
>>>>>>>>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at
>>>>>>>>>>>> least
>>>>>>>>>>>> on here.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy
>>>>>>>>>>> issues
>>>>>>>>>>> have come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you
>>>>>>>>>>> would
>>>>>>>>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>>
>>>>>>>>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good way
or
>>>>>>>>>> the other way around?
>>
>>>>>>>>> Bad to good.
>>
>>>>>>>>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B.
>>>>>>>>>> Reeling is
>>>>>>>>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going to
>>>>>>>>>> live
>>>>>>>>>> like that
>>>>>>>>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and that
I
>>>>>>>>>> was willing to risk losing it to change it. But again, that is
>>>>>>>>>> me. The
>>>>>>>>>> gna****ng of teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>>
>>>>>>>>> Kudos, sincerely.
>>>>>>>>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing and
>>>>>>>>> quiet
>>>>>>>>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I
*am*
>>>>>>>>> left floundering.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as
>>>>>>>>>>> well.
>>>>>>>>>>> So now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want to
>>>>>>>>>>> not make
>>>>>>>>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring
in
>>>>>>>>>>> the past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>>
>>>>>>>>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do
you
>>>>>>>>>> get to be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>>
>>>>>>>>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want
>>>>>>>>> those
>>>>>>>>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with time
>>>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>>>> will diminsh.
>>
>>>>>>>>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH telling
me
>>>>>>>>> he is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad
>>>>>>>>> feelings.
>>>>>>>>> I thought I would post to the others who are in similar
situations
>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own
lives
>>>>>>>>> if they heard something like that on occassion.
>>
>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>>>> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and
>>>>>>>> telling
>>>>>>>> you so, that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better about
>>>>>>>> this
>>>>>>>> within
>>>>>>>> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else).
So
>>>>>>>> when he offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the
>>>>>>>> boiled
>>>>>>>> potatoes!
>>>>>>>> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on
their
>>>>>>>> own. :-)
>>
>>>>>>> Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
>>>>>>> I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to
>>>>>>> conclusions
>>>>>>> and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't know,
I
>>>>>>> kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the fall-out
>>>>>>> after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>>
>>>>>>> The reason for the post though, was something I had never
>>>>>>> considered.
>>>>>>> You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
>>>>>>> appreciate you, that is kind of big.
>>>>>>> It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people I
>>>>>>> know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it doesn't
>>>>>>> come
>>>>>>> quite as easy for others
>>
>>>>>> Right. Or it's not even on their radar. (we all have somewhat
>>>>>> different
>>>>>> radars :-)
>>
>>>>>>> and that makes it hard for me to understand
>>>>>>> when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
>>
>>>>>> Well - but we're all different. If your (or anyone's, for that
>>>>>> matter)
>>>>>> expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.
>>
>>>>> Gads, is that the key to life or what?
>>
>>>> It would be great in an ideal world. :-)
>>
>>>>> Anyway you can teach someone to live without any expectations? Sign
>>>>> me up.
>>
>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>> LOL. I've heard that drugs "help". :-)
>>
>>> Drugs help teaching or living without expectations? :)
>>
>> Living without expectations, as in, everything is bliss. Errr, at
least
>> for awhile. :-)
>
> What kind of drugs do that? Sign me up. I have a nonblissful situation
> or two I'd just as soon morph into bliss.
I thought dope was supposed to do that ... at least for a limited while.
:-)
Heroin? Morphine? Ecstasy?
Seriously, isn't that why drug addicts are addicts? They find some "good
stuff" which gives them pleasure and a good "high". And then it either
stops working, or the required dosage keeps going up, or a host of other
complications and health problems ensue, least of all financing it.
Such a bummer...
|
