On Jul 8, 3:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
wrote:
> phelbooth wrote:
> > On Jul 4, 2:18 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> > wrote:
> >> Vickie wrote:
> >>> On Jul 3, 7:16 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>> wrote:
> >>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>> On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
wrote:
> >>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
> >>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term
relation****p
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that you
have
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> pride in who they are and what they do.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> they
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> give out a compliment?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment it
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> makes
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end up
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> giving
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't watch
You
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if
someone
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> said
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> those words to you?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements,
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> especially
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
> >>>>>>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your
husband
> >>>>>>>>>>>> is
> >>>>>>>>>>>> that it sets up an expectation in your head that it just
IS,
> >>>>>>>>>>>> and
> >>>>>>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not
to
> >>>>>>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative.
But I
> >>>>>>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as
general
> >>>>>>>>>>>> and
> >>>>>>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental state
that
> >>>>>>>>>>>> is
> >>>>>>>>>>>> not true.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Maybe it does.
> >>>>>>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can differ
as
> >>>>>>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe
lead
> >>>>>>>>>>> one
> >>>>>>>>>>> to some answers they have not considered and maybe some
> >>>>>>>>>>> suggestions
> >>>>>>>>>>> of where to go from here.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>
> >>>>>>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically
DON'T
> >>>>>>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>
> >>>>>>>>> Like hell I don't.
>
> >>>>>>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>
> >>>>>>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
> >>>>>>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
> >>>>>>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I do
to
> >>>>>>> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions I
> >>>>>>> strive
> >>>>>>> for.
> >>>>>>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to
> >>>>>>> whether
> >>>>>>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not living
> >>>>>>> there
> >>>>>>> to see and hear it.
> >>>>>>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>
> >>>>>>>>>> You seem to focus on
> >>>>>>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at
least
> >>>>>>>>>> on
> >>>>>>>>>> here.
>
> >>>>>>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>
> >>>>>>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy
issues
> >>>>>>>>> have
> >>>>>>>>> come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you would
> >>>>>>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>
> >>>>>>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good way
or
> >>>>>>>> the
> >>>>>>>> other way around?
>
> >>>>>>> Bad to good.
>
> >>>>>>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B.
> >>>>>>>> Reeling
> >>>>>>>> is
> >>>>>>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going to
live
> >>>>>>>> like that
> >>>>>>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and that
I
> >>>>>>>> was
> >>>>>>>> willing to risk losing it to change it. But again, that is me.
The
> >>>>>>>> gna****ng of teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>
> >>>>>>> Kudos, sincerely.
> >>>>>>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing and
> >>>>>>> quiet
> >>>>>>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I
*am*
> >>>>>>> left floundering.
>
> >>>>>>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as
well.
> >>>>>>>>> So
> >>>>>>>>> now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want to
not
> >>>>>>>>> make
> >>>>>>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring
in
> >>>>>>>>> the
> >>>>>>>>> past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>
> >>>>>>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do
you
> >>>>>>>> get
> >>>>>>>> to be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>
> >>>>>>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want
those
> >>>>>>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with time
they
> >>>>>>> will diminsh.
>
> >>>>>>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH telling
me
> >>>>>>> he
> >>>>>>> is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad
feelings. I
> >>>>>>> thought I would post to the others who are in similar situations
and
> >>>>>>> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own
lives
> >>>>>>> if
> >>>>>>> they heard something like that on occassion.
>
> >>>>>>> Vickie
>
> >>>>>> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and
telling
> >>>>>> you
> >>>>>> so, that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better about this
> >>>>>> within
> >>>>>> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else).
So
> >>>>>> when
> >>>>>> he offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the boiled
> >>>>>> potatoes!
> >>>>>> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on
their
> >>>>>> own.
> >>>>>> :-)
>
> >>>>> Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
> >>>>> I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to
conclusions
> >>>>> and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't know,
I
> >>>>> kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the fall-out
> >>>>> after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>
> >>>>> The reason for the post though, was something I had never
considered.
> >>>>> You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
> >>>>> appreciate you, that is kind of big.
> >>>>> It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people I
> >>>>> know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it doesn't
come
> >>>>> quite as easy for others
>
> >>>> Right. Or it's not even on their radar. (we all have somewhat
different
> >>>> radars :-)
>
> >>>>> and that makes it hard for me to understand
> >>>>> when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
>
> >>>> Well - but we're all different. If your (or anyone's, for that
matter)
> >>>> expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.
>
> >>> Gads, is that the key to life or what?
>
> >> It would be great in an ideal world. :-)
>
> >>> Anyway you can teach someone to live without any expectations? Sign
> >>> me up.
>
> >>> Vickie
>
> >> LOL. I've heard that drugs "help". :-)
>
> > Drugs help teaching or living without expectations? :)
>
> Living without expectations, as in, everything is bliss. Errr, at
least
> for awhile. :-)
What kind of drugs do that? Sign me up. I have a nonblissful situation
or two I'd just as soon morph into bliss.
|
