phelbooth wrote:
> On Jul 4, 2:18 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> wrote:
>> Vickie wrote:
>>> On Jul 3, 7:16 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>> wrote:
>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>> On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term
relation****p
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that you
have
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> pride in who they are and what they do.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> they
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> give out a compliment?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment it
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> makes
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end up
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> giving
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't watch
You
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if
someone
>>>>>>>>>>>>> said
>>>>>>>>>>>>> those words to you?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements,
>>>>>>>>>>>>> especially
>>>>>>>>>>>>> between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
>>>>>>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your
husband
>>>>>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>>>>>> that it sets up an expectation in your head that it just IS,
>>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not to
>>>>>>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative. But
I
>>>>>>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as
general
>>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental state
that
>>>>>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>>>>>> not true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Maybe it does.
>>>>>>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can differ
as
>>>>>>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe lead
>>>>>>>>>>> one
>>>>>>>>>>> to some answers they have not considered and maybe some
>>>>>>>>>>> suggestions
>>>>>>>>>>> of where to go from here.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically DON'T
>>>>>>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>>
>>>>>>>>> Like hell I don't.
>>
>>>>>>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>>
>>>>>>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
>>>>>>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
>>>>>>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I do
to
>>>>>>> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions I
>>>>>>> strive
>>>>>>> for.
>>>>>>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to
>>>>>>> whether
>>>>>>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not living
>>>>>>> there
>>>>>>> to see and hear it.
>>>>>>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>>
>>>>>>>>>> You seem to focus on
>>>>>>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at
least
>>>>>>>>>> on
>>>>>>>>>> here.
>>
>>>>>>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>>
>>>>>>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy
issues
>>>>>>>>> have
>>>>>>>>> come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you would
>>>>>>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>>
>>>>>>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good way or
>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>> other way around?
>>
>>>>>>> Bad to good.
>>
>>>>>>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B.
>>>>>>>> Reeling
>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going to
live
>>>>>>>> like that
>>>>>>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and that I
>>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>> willing to risk losing it to change it. But again, that is me.
The
>>>>>>>> gna****ng of teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>>
>>>>>>> Kudos, sincerely.
>>>>>>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing and
>>>>>>> quiet
>>>>>>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I *am*
>>>>>>> left floundering.
>>
>>>>>>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as
well.
>>>>>>>>> So
>>>>>>>>> now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want to not
>>>>>>>>> make
>>>>>>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring in
>>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>>> past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>>
>>>>>>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do you
>>>>>>>> get
>>>>>>>> to be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>>
>>>>>>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want
those
>>>>>>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with time
they
>>>>>>> will diminsh.
>>
>>>>>>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH telling me
>>>>>>> he
>>>>>>> is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad feelings.
I
>>>>>>> thought I would post to the others who are in similar situations
and
>>>>>>> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own lives
>>>>>>> if
>>>>>>> they heard something like that on occassion.
>>
>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and
telling
>>>>>> you
>>>>>> so, that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better about this
>>>>>> within
>>>>>> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else). So
>>>>>> when
>>>>>> he offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the boiled
>>>>>> potatoes!
>>>>>> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on their
>>>>>> own.
>>>>>> :-)
>>
>>>>> Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
>>>>> I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to
conclusions
>>>>> and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't know, I
>>>>> kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the fall-out
>>>>> after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>>
>>>>> The reason for the post though, was something I had never
considered.
>>>>> You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
>>>>> appreciate you, that is kind of big.
>>>>> It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people I
>>>>> know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it doesn't
come
>>>>> quite as easy for others
>>
>>>> Right. Or it's not even on their radar. (we all have somewhat
different
>>>> radars :-)
>>
>>>>> and that makes it hard for me to understand
>>>>> when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
>>
>>>> Well - but we're all different. If your (or anyone's, for that
matter)
>>>> expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.
>>
>>> Gads, is that the key to life or what?
>>
>> It would be great in an ideal world. :-)
>>
>>> Anyway you can teach someone to live without any expectations? Sign
>>> me up.
>>
>>> Vickie
>>
>> LOL. I've heard that drugs "help". :-)
>
> Drugs help teaching or living without expectations? :)
Living without expectations, as in, everything is bliss. Errr, at least
for awhile. :-)
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