On Jul 4, 2:18 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
wrote:
> Vickie wrote:
> > On Jul 3, 7:16 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> > wrote:
> >> Vickie wrote:
> >>> On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>> wrote:
> >>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
> >>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
wrote:
> >>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
> >>>>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
> >>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term
relation****p
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that you
have
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> pride in who they are and what they do.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if
they
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> give out a compliment?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment it
makes
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end up
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> giving
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or
self-discovery.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't watch
You
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if
someone
> >>>>>>>>>>> said
> >>>>>>>>>>> those words to you?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements,
especially
> >>>>>>>>>>> between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>
> >>>>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
> >>>>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your
husband
> >>>>>>>>>> is
> >>>>>>>>>> that it sets up an expectation in your head that it just IS,
and
> >>>>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not to
> >>>>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative. But
I
> >>>>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as
general
> >>>>>>>>>> and
> >>>>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental state
that
> >>>>>>>>>> is
> >>>>>>>>>> not true.
>
> >>>>>>>>> Maybe it does.
> >>>>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can differ
as
> >>>>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe lead
one
> >>>>>>>>> to some answers they have not considered and maybe some
> >>>>>>>>> suggestions
> >>>>>>>>> of where to go from here.
>
> >>>>>>>>> Vickie
>
> >>>>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically DON'T
> >>>>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>
> >>>>>>> Like hell I don't.
>
> >>>>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>
> >>>>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
> >>>>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
> >>>>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I do
to
> >>>>> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions I
strive
> >>>>> for.
> >>>>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to
whether
> >>>>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not living
there
> >>>>> to see and hear it.
> >>>>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>
> >>>>>>>> You seem to focus on
> >>>>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at
least
> >>>>>>>> on
> >>>>>>>> here.
>
> >>>>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>
> >>>>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy
issues
> >>>>>>> have
> >>>>>>> come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you would
> >>>>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>
> >>>>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good way or
the
> >>>>>> other way around?
>
> >>>>> Bad to good.
>
> >>>>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B.
Reeling
> >>>>>> is
> >>>>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going to
live
> >>>>>> like that
> >>>>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and that I
was
> >>>>>> willing to risk losing it to change it. But again, that is me.
The
> >>>>>> gna****ng of teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>
> >>>>> Kudos, sincerely.
> >>>>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing and
quiet
> >>>>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I *am*
> >>>>> left floundering.
>
> >>>>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as
well. So
> >>>>>>> now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want to not
make
> >>>>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring in
the
> >>>>>>> past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>
> >>>>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do you
get
> >>>>>> to be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>
> >>>>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want
those
> >>>>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with time
they
> >>>>> will diminsh.
>
> >>>>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH telling me
he
> >>>>> is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad feelings.
I
> >>>>> thought I would post to the others who are in similar situations
and
> >>>>> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own lives
if
> >>>>> they heard something like that on occassion.
>
> >>>>> Vickie
>
> >>>> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and
telling
> >>>> you
> >>>> so, that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better about this
within
> >>>> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else). So
when
> >>>> he offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the boiled
> >>>> potatoes!
> >>>> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on their
own.
> >>>> :-)
>
> >>> Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
> >>> I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to
conclusions
> >>> and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't know, I
> >>> kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the fall-out
> >>> after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>
> >>> The reason for the post though, was something I had never
considered.
> >>> You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
> >>> appreciate you, that is kind of big.
> >>> It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people I
> >>> know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it doesn't
come
> >>> quite as easy for others
>
> >> Right. Or it's not even on their radar. (we all have somewhat
different
> >> radars :-)
>
> >>> and that makes it hard for me to understand
> >>> when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
>
> >> Well - but we're all different. If your (or anyone's, for that
matter)
> >> expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.
>
> > Gads, is that the key to life or what?
>
> It would be great in an ideal world. :-)
>
> > Anyway you can teach someone to live without any expectations? Sign
> > me up.
>
> > Vickie
>
> LOL. I've heard that drugs "help". :-)
Drugs help teaching or living without expectations? :)
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