By: Lisa Kift, MFT
If your marriage is in trouble =96 or if you=92re simply looking for more
effective ways to communicate with your spouse =96 marriage counseling
can be a great option. Sometimes getting an outside perspective by
someone trained in relation****ps can help illuminate problematic
cycles or unhelpful ways of being together.
So how does one go about choosing a marriage counselor?
The answer to this question is going to depend on what is im****tant to
you and your spouse =96 which is why I don=92t believe in a cookie-cutter
formula. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, what I can offer you are
aspects to consider when making this decision. At the end of the day,
you will decide which of them hold the highest priority.
1) Therapist Credentials / Degrees: How long has the counselor been
working with couples? What are their credentials? Some people put a
lot of weight on credentials =96 Ph.D., LMFT, Psy.D., LCSW=85. Are you
more comfortable working with someone who has a higher level of
education or is this not as im****tant as what the person brings into
the therapy room in relation****p skills and style? Are you open to
working with an intern under the supervision of a licensed
professional? You can verify license status in every state. For
example, in California, it=92s called, The Board of Behavioral Sciences
(www.bbs.ca.gov).
2) Fees: Speaking of fees, what can you and your partner afford for
marriage counseling? Do you have the option of going through your
insurance? When you do the math to try to figure out what you can
afford, make sure you allow a minimum of six sessions in your plan.
Some couples can get great benefit out of less =96 but it=92s wise to
think realistically about the total cost. If there are financial
limitations, be sure to tell let the potential marriage counselor so
they can refer you out to a lower cost option if needed.
3) Location: These days, convenience is king. A lot of people who
contact me for therapy have said they were in my neighborhood and that
my location was a =93plus=94 to them. When you do a search on a therapist
directory, plug in your zip code if that=92s an option to start with the
closest people to you.
4) Referrals: Getting a therapist referral from a trusted source can
be very comforting for some people. A least you know that this person
has been helpful to someone you know. However, keep in mind that just
because one counselor was helpful to your friend, doesn=92t mean that it
will translate to your situation.
5) Spiritual / Religious Concerns: For those with particular spiritual
or religious beliefs, it=92s usually im****tant to find a counselor who
works from that platform. The ideas about marriage, meaning, roles and
rules will differ vastly between, for example, a Catholic therapist
and a therapist without religion as a focus.
6) Therapist Modality: There are different theoretical orientations
therapists operate from in how they conceptualize people and healthy
relation****ps. Don=92t be afraid to ask, =93What=92s your orientation?=94
i=
f
this is im****tant to you and your partner.
7) Comfort Level: Are you more comfortable with a male or female
counselor? What types of personalities do you resonate with? Is this
someone you both would feel safe opening your hearts and
vulnerabilities to?
8) Trust Your Instincts: I often encourage my own clients to pay
closer attention to their instincts. This applies to choosing a
marriage counselor. After spending some time looking at a therapist=92s
website and speaking to them on the phone, let your intuition guide
you to decide whether this is a good fit for you and your spouse. When
you meet the person, continue to do an internal check. If it doesn=92t
feel right =96 try somebody else!
Good luck in your search and be sure to shop around. These days there
are numerous therapist directories and personal therapist websites
that can be found all over the internet. This visibility has allowed
counselors to share what they want to about themselves, their
practices and ways of working with people which I believe has led to a
demystification of the whole process =96 and more easily available
information for the consumer.
Lisa Brookes Kift is a Marriage and Family Therapist providing
individual and couples therapy in San Diego, California. She is also
the author of numerous mental health and relation****p articles. Visit
her website at LisaKiftTherapy.com
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