Vickie wrote:
> On Jul 3, 7:16 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> wrote:
>> Vickie wrote:
>>> On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>> wrote:
>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term relation****p
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that you have
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> pride in who they are and what they do.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if
they
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> give out a compliment?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment it
makes
>>>>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end up
>>>>>>>>>>>>> giving
>>>>>>>>>>>>> up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or
self-discovery.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
>>>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't watch You
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
>>>>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
>>>>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if someone
>>>>>>>>>>> said
>>>>>>>>>>> those words to you?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements,
especially
>>>>>>>>>>> between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>>
>>>>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
>>>>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your husband
>>>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>>>> that it sets up an expectation in your head that it just IS,
and
>>>>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not to
>>>>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative. But I
>>>>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as general
>>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental state that
>>>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>>>> not true.
>>
>>>>>>>>> Maybe it does.
>>>>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can differ as
>>>>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe lead
one
>>>>>>>>> to some answers they have not considered and maybe some
>>>>>>>>> suggestions
>>>>>>>>> of where to go from here.
>>
>>>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically DON'T
>>>>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>>
>>>>>>> Like hell I don't.
>>
>>>>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>>
>>>>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
>>>>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
>>>>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I do to
>>>>> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions I
strive
>>>>> for.
>>>>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to
whether
>>>>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not living
there
>>>>> to see and hear it.
>>>>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>>
>>>>>>>> You seem to focus on
>>>>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at least
>>>>>>>> on
>>>>>>>> here.
>>
>>>>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>>
>>>>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy issues
>>>>>>> have
>>>>>>> come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you would
>>>>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>>
>>>>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good way or
the
>>>>>> other way around?
>>
>>>>> Bad to good.
>>
>>>>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B.
Reeling
>>>>>> is
>>>>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going to live
>>>>>> like that
>>>>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and that I
was
>>>>>> willing to risk losing it to change it. But again, that is me. The
>>>>>> gna****ng of teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>>
>>>>> Kudos, sincerely.
>>>>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing and
quiet
>>>>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I *am*
>>>>> left floundering.
>>
>>>>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as well.
So
>>>>>>> now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want to not
make
>>>>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring in
the
>>>>>>> past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>>
>>>>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do you
get
>>>>>> to be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>>
>>>>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want those
>>>>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with time they
>>>>> will diminsh.
>>
>>>>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH telling me
he
>>>>> is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad feelings. I
>>>>> thought I would post to the others who are in similar situations and
>>>>> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own lives
if
>>>>> they heard something like that on occassion.
>>
>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and telling
>>>> you
>>>> so, that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better about this
within
>>>> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else). So
when
>>>> he offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the boiled
>>>> potatoes!
>>>> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on their
own.
>>>> :-)
>>
>>> Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
>>> I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to conclusions
>>> and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't know, I
>>> kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the fall-out
>>> after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>>
>>> The reason for the post though, was something I had never considered.
>>> You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
>>> appreciate you, that is kind of big.
>>> It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people I
>>> know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it doesn't come
>>> quite as easy for others
>>
>> Right. Or it's not even on their radar. (we all have somewhat different
>> radars :-)
>>
>>> and that makes it hard for me to understand
>>> when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
>>
>> Well - but we're all different. If your (or anyone's, for that matter)
>> expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.
>
> Gads, is that the key to life or what?
It would be great in an ideal world. :-)
> Anyway you can teach someone to live without any expectations? Sign
> me up.
>
> Vickie
LOL. I've heard that drugs "help". :-)
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