I think I need to clarify something. I tried to recognize the dynamic
between us, and saw that I sometimes push him when he is already past
a certain point, and admitted that in this group. But the night he
was arrested was different. It was a sleepover night, lots of extra
kids here, and we hadn't been getting along but were not fighting.
The kids did something in the neighborhood... being noisy with their
game of 'manhunt' and one of them hid in the churchyard and clanged
into the clothing drop-off box. A young man in the parish chased the
boy across the street, there was shouting, and then the priest came
over. We all convened on the sidewalk, the priest lectured the boys
and we apologized, etc. My husband was raqised Catholic, and I think
it hit a huge nerve to have a priest upset at his kids. As soon as
the priest left, we took the kids inside. My husband started
screaming and swearing at them in a tirade, and as I said... some of
these boys were guests. I held my hand up, said I'd deal with it, and
he was furious and fumed upstairs. I spoke to the boys, and went up
to talk to my husband. He was like a bomb waiting to blow. He threw
me down and raced out of the house. Not long afterwards, he burst
back into the house and made a beeline for our oldest boy. I got in
his way and he threw me down again, grabbed our son and yanked him
through the house and out the door. Yeah, I called the police. I was
terrified and so were the kids who had watched the whole scene. I
don't want to dredge this stuff up and discuss it all over again, but
please stop characterizing me as a power-playing 'holds all the cards'
woman, and don't say that what happened is 'convenient' for me in any
way. Do you mean convenient as in custody-battle stuff? I don't
want a divorce, first of all. But if we ever got to that point, I
wouldn't stand in the way of his fatherhood or his right to be with
the kids. He is a fair person, and so am I. If we divorced, we
wouldn't be fighting over stuff, property, kids or rights. I think
we'd have enough to handle just transitioning into separate lives.
"Been there, done that. Pain in the butt help is so called
complaining constantly aka my MIL. So to me pointing out
alternative ways of doing stuff is helpful plus a little
distracting. "
We were both psyched at how the garage turned out. And I didn't
do it by complaining... I just had good ideas and he listened to
them. I don't think I did a good job describing the garage thing....
it was actually an instance of us working together successfully. I
had a good vision but a weak back... he had the manpower but no
patience to figure out where stuff should go. We worked together and
when the garage was sparkly-clean we both felt proud and gratified.
We so rarely complement each other in this way.... it was nice.
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