On Jul 3, 7:16=A0pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
wrote:
> Vickie wrote:
> > On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> > wrote:
> >> Vickie wrote:
> >>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
> >>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
> >>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
wrot=
e:
> >>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
<surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>>>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
> >>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term relation****p
a=
nd
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that you have
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> pride in who they are and what they do.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if
they
> >>>>>>>>>>>>> give out a compliment?
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment it
makes
> >>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end up
givi=
ng
> >>>>>>>>>>> up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or
self-discovery=
..
> >>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
> >>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D7I5sixwOQlg
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't watch You
> >>>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>
> >>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
> >>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>
> >>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
> >>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
> >>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>
> >>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>
> >>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if someone
s=
aid
> >>>>>>>>> those words to you?
>
> >>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements,
especiall=
y
> >>>>>>>>> between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>
> >>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
> >>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your husband
=
is
> >>>>>>>> that it sets up an expectation in your head that it just IS,
and
> >>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not to
> >>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative. But I
> >>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as general
a=
nd
> >>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental state that
=
is
> >>>>>>>> not true.
>
> >>>>>>> Maybe it does.
> >>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can differ as
> >>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe lead
one
> >>>>>>> to some answers they have not considered and maybe some
suggestio=
ns
> >>>>>>> of where to go from here.
>
> >>>>>>> Vickie
>
> >>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically DON'T
> >>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>
> >>>>> Like hell I don't.
>
> >>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>
> >>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
> >>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
> >>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I do to
> >>> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions I
striv=
e
> >>> for.
> >>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to
whether
> >>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not living
there
> >>> to see and hear it.
> >>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>
> >>>>>> You seem to focus on
> >>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at least
=
on
> >>>>>> here.
>
> >>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>
> >>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy issues
h=
ave
> >>>>> come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you would
> >>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>
> >>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good way or
th=
e
> >>>> other way around?
>
> >>> Bad to good.
>
> >>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B.
Reeling=
is
> >>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going to live
> >>>> like that
> >>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and that I
was
> >>>> willing to risk losing it to change it. But again, that is me. The
> >>>> gna****ng of
> >>>> teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>
> >>> Kudos, sincerely.
> >>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing and
quiet
> >>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I *am*
> >>> left floundering.
>
> >>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as well.
S=
o
> >>>>> now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want to not
mak=
e
> >>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring in
the
> >>>>> past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>
> >>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do you
ge=
t
> >>>> to
> >>>> be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>
> >>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want those
> >>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with time they
> >>> will diminsh.
>
> >>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH telling me
he
> >>> is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad feelings. I
> >>> thought I would post to the others who are in similar situations and
> >>> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own lives
if
> >>> they heard something like that on occassion.
>
> >>> Vickie
>
> >> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and telling
y=
ou
> >> so,
> >> that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better about this within
> >> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else). So
whe=
n
> >> he
> >> offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the boiled
potatoes!
> >> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on their
own=
..
> >> :-)
>
> > Yeah, you're right. =A0It is just so dang hard.
> > I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to conclusions
> > and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. =A0I don't know,
I
> > kind of think I already do. =A0I think that is part of the fall-out
> > after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>
> > The reason for the post though, was something I had never considered.
> > You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
> > appreciate you, that is kind of big.
> > It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people I
> > know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. =A0I guess it doesn't
com=
e
> > quite as easy for others
>
> Right. =A0 Or it's not even on their radar. =A0(we all have somewhat
diff=
erent
> radars =A0:-)
>
> > and that makes it hard for me to understand
> > when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
>
> Well - but we're all different. =A0 =A0If your (or anyone's, for that
mat=
ter)
> expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.- Hide quoted
=
text -
Gads, is that the key to life or what?
Anyway you can teach someone to live without any expectations? Sign
me up.
Vickie
|
