Vickie wrote:
> On Jul 3, 12:30 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> wrote:
>> Vickie wrote:
>>> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
wrote:
>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
<surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term relation****p
and
>>>>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that you have
>>>>>>>>>>>>> pride in who they are and what they do.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if they
>>>>>>>>>>>>> give out a compliment?
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment it makes
>>>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end up
giving
>>>>>>>>>>> up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or self-discovery.
>>>>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
>>>>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't watch You
>>>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>>
>>>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
>>>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>>
>>>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
>>>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
>>>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
>>>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>>
>>>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>>
>>>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if someone
said
>>>>>>>>> those words to you?
>>
>>>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements, especially
>>>>>>>>> between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>>
>>>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
>>>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your husband
is
>>>>>>>> that it sets up an expectation in your head that it just IS, and
>>>>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not to
>>>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative. But I
>>>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as general
and
>>>>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental state that
is
>>>>>>>> not true.
>>
>>>>>>> Maybe it does.
>>>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can differ as
>>>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe lead one
>>>>>>> to some answers they have not considered and maybe some
suggestions
>>>>>>> of where to go from here.
>>
>>>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically DON'T
>>>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>>
>>>>> Like hell I don't.
>>
>>>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>>
>>> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
>>> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
>>> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I do to
>>> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions I strive
>>> for.
>>> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to whether
>>> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not living there
>>> to see and hear it.
>>> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>>
>>>>>> You seem to focus on
>>>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at least
on
>>>>>> here.
>>
>>>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>>
>>>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy issues
have
>>>>> come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you would
>>>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>>
>>>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good way or the
>>>> other way around?
>>
>>> Bad to good.
>>
>>>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B. Reeling
is
>>>> not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going to live
>>>> like that
>>>> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and that I was
>>>> willing to risk losing it to change it. But again, that is me. The
>>>> gna****ng of
>>>> teeth is short and then on to productive steps.
>>
>>> Kudos, sincerely.
>>> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing and quiet
>>> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I *am*
>>> left floundering.
>>
>>>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as well. So
>>>>> now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want to not make
>>>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring in the
>>>>> past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>>
>>>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do you get
>>>> to
>>>> be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?
>>
>>> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want those
>>> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with time they
>>> will diminsh.
>>
>>> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH telling me he
>>> is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad feelings. I
>>> thought I would post to the others who are in similar situations and
>>> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own lives if
>>> they heard something like that on occassion.
>>
>>> Vickie
>>
>> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and telling
you
>> so,
>> that is a bit risky. You just need to feel better about this within
>> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else). So when
>> he
>> offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the boiled potatoes!
>> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on their own.
>> :-)
>
> Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
> I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to conclusions
> and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't know, I
> kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the fall-out
> after big problems/issues have been resolved.
>
> The reason for the post though, was something I had never considered.
> You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
> appreciate you, that is kind of big.
> It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people I
> know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it doesn't come
> quite as easy for others
Right. Or it's not even on their radar. (we all have somewhat different
radars :-)
> and that makes it hard for me to understand
> when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
Well - but we're all different. If your (or anyone's, for that matter)
expectations are different, we're bound to be disappointed.
|
