Re: July 29, crap crap crap

On Jul 2, 8:50=A0pm, BP <re...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> On Thu, 5 Jun 2008 09:37:05 -0700 (PDT), saulgoode
>
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>
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>
> <pudbo...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> >All these years -- three years, I guess -- I blocked it out.
>
> >July 29, 2005, that's when it happened, and I blocked it out. I don't
> >want to live that day over and over, gaddamint.
>
> >But I'm digging out the divorce decree, now, so I can buy another
> >house. I'm moving up to a better house in a better neighborhood,
> >actually putting "neighbor" into it, because now I just live in a
> >"hood."
>
> >And all this time I intentionally blocked out that July 29th date. All
> >this time, and I'm looking through the divorce decree, trying not to
> >cry, looking for the quit-deed, the c/s do***entation, and there it is
> >in the ex-wife's looping girly-letters: July 29th, her neatly drawn
> >initials next to my illegible scribbles at the bottom.
>
> >Crap crap crap.
>
> >Ah well. Now I get two days a year -- anniversary, and divorce.
> >Marriage and death. I get to celebrate both. How wonderful.
>
> >And now I'm bout to cry at work for no gaddamned reason.
>
> *shoulder punch*
>
> Sorry to hear it, man.
>
> OK, it's a three-week-old post, I hope you're feeling better now.
>
> >Great house, though, beautiful, walking distance to the golf course,
> >walking distance to the lake, two pools, across the street from the
> >park (park is my front yard), top-notch elem. school... Assuming I get
> >the house, that is.
>
> Didja get the house?
>
> >I hate being a ****ing drama queen! Just some things cut deep and
> >never heal, I suppose.
>
> You got that right... and sometimes we never know what little thing is
> going to open up that unhealed wound and make it start hurting and
> bleeding all over again. I'm having one of those days today - I guess
> that's why I'm reading asd and asm.
>
> BP- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

I have "one of those days" once or twice a week, sometimes go a week
or two. Used to have one daily, usually right after work, somewhere
between the house and the job, someplace with lots of smoke and an
entire wall of beer taps...

Further between, now, those days.

After the initial shock of remembering our unwedding anniversary, the
edge wore off. Didn't take long to wear off, either. Used to go a few
days in that shock-state, now it's a few hours, maybe a goofy post on
here, then, well, I move on to other things, things like trying to
remember if I took the carpool this morning, or the car (Tahoe),
checking the garage for the car (Tahoe) for a few minutes, then
thinking, "Oh ****!" and running downstairs to the pick-up point,
where the carpool's already waiting, and we all talk about our houses
on the way home.

I got the house, painted it, moving in this weekend, been packing and
pre-moving all day. I'm freaking beat as a gay Irishman on double-pint
night, pink dress and all.


 - Saul