On Jul 3, 12:30=A0pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
wrote:
> Vickie wrote:
> > On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
> >> Vickie wrote:
> >>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
> >>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
wrote:
> >>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
<surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> >>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
> >>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term relation****p
and
> >>>>>>>>>>> forget the need to tell that special someone that you have
> >>>>>>>>>>> pride in who they are and what they do.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
> >>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if they
> >>>>>>>>>>> give out a compliment?
>
> >>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>
> >>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment it makes
> >>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end up
giving
> >>>>>>>>> up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or self-discovery.
> >>>>>>>>> I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes toward
> >>>>>>>>> self-discovery.
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D7I5sixwOQlg
>
> >>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't watch You
> >>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>
> >>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>
> >>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
> >>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>
> >>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>
> >>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>
> >>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
> >>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
> >>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>
> >>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
> >>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
> >>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>
> >>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>
> >>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>
> >>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if someone
sai=
d
> >>>>>>> those words to you?
>
> >>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements, especially
> >>>>>>> between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>
> >>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
> >>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your husband
is
> >>>>>> that it sets up an expectation in your head that it just IS, and
> >>>>>> there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not to
> >>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative. But I
> >>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as general
and
> >>>>>> common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental state that
is
> >>>>>> not true.
>
> >>>>> Maybe it does.
> >>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can differ as
> >>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe lead one
> >>>>> to some answers they have not considered and maybe some
suggestions
> >>>>> of where to go from here.
>
> >>>>> Vickie
>
> >>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically DON'T
> >>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>
> >>> Like hell I don't.
>
> >> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>
> > Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
> > And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
> > In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I do to
> > find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions I strive
> > for.
> > I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to whether
> > you are doing all you can in your own marriage. =A0I am not living
ther=
e
> > to see and hear it.
> > Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>
> >>>> You seem to focus on
> >>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at least
on
> >>>> here.
>
> >>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>
> >>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy issues
hav=
e
> >>> come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you would
> >>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>
> >> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good way or the
> >> other
> >> way around?
>
> > Bad to good.
>
> >> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B. Reeling
i=
s
> >> not
> >> my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going to live like
t=
hat
> >> for the next 60 years and that it was going to change and that I was
> >> willing
> >> to risk losing it to change it. But again, that is me. The gna****ng
of
> >> teeth
> >> is short and then on to productive steps.
>
> > Kudos, sincerely.
> > For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing and quiet
> > acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I *am*
> > left floundering.
>
> >>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as well. So
> >>> now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want to not make
> >>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring in the
> >>> past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>
> >> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do you get
=
to
> >> be
> >> you, without excuse or fear of rejection?- Hide quoted text -
>
> > Not sure really. =A0It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. =A0I want
tho=
se
> > feelings to just go away, but they won't. =A0I am hoping with time
they
> > will diminsh.
>
> > In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH telling me he
> > is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad feelings.
=A0I
> > thought I would post to the others who are in similar situations and
> > see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own lives if
> > they heard something like that on occassion.
>
> > Vickie
>
> I think if you have to depend on his being proud of you, and telling you
=
so,
> that is a bit risky. =A0 You just need to feel better about this within
> yourself, and yes, largely independent of him (or anyone else). =A0 So
wh=
en he
> offers kudos, that's like adding some celantro to the =A0boiled
potatoes!
> But the potatoes are already well in place, and can stand on their own.
> :-)- Hide quoted text -
Yeah, you're right. It is just so dang hard.
I don't want to turn into one of those wives who jumps to conclusions
and thinks everything has more meaning than it does. I don't know, I
kind of think I already do. I think that is part of the fall-out
after big problems/issues have been resolved.
The reason for the post though, was something I had never considered.
You want to hear I love you, and I get that, but to have someone
appreciate you, that is kind of big.
It has always come easy for me to be excited and proud of people I
know and most im****tantly to *let* them know. I guess it doesn't come
quite as easy for others and that makes it hard for me to understand
when I think I deserve some sugar, but it isn't sprinkled.
Vickie
|
