Vickie wrote:
> On Jul 3, 9:00 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
>> Vickie wrote:
>>> On Jul 1, 5:06 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com> wrote:
>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>> On Jun 30, 5:30 am, "Stephanie" <nothanks.nevergonedoit.com>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 6:46 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>> On Jun 29, 2:24 pm, "Bill in Co"
>>>>>>>>> <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>>>>>>>> Vickie wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>> I suppose it is natural to be in a long term relation****p
>>>>>>>>>>> and forget the need to tell that special someone that you
>>>>>>>>>>> have pride in who they are and what they do.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> Is it just thoughtlessness?
>>>>>>>>>>> Do some think it takes away some of their own worth if they
>>>>>>>>>>> give out a compliment?
>>
>>>>>>>>>> That's pretty sad if that's true.
>>
>>>>>>>>> When it takes a ton of prodding to coax a compliment it makes
>>>>>>>>> you wonder why it is so hard for some people. You end up
>>>>>>>>> giving up, and you either go the way of self-doubt or
>>>>>>>>> self-discovery. I hope the friend I talked with last eve goes
>>>>>>>>> toward self-discovery.
>>
>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I5sixwOQlg
>>
>>>>>>>>>> Sorry, I'm on dialup. Old school. Plus I wouldn't watch You
>>>>>>>>>> Tube crapola anyways!
>>
>>>>>>>>> Shut it!
>>
>>>>>>>> It's not open. Sorry.
>>>>>>>> Next? :-)
>>
>>>>>>> Such a stink-o.
>>
>>>>>>>>> Lyrics:
>>
>>>>>>>>> Your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>> Better than anything else that I've tried
>>>>>>>>> And your love is better than ice cream
>>>>>>>>> Everyone here know how to cry
>>
>>>>>>>>> And it's a long way down
>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down
>>>>>>>>> It's a long way down to the place
>>>>>>>>> Where we started from
>>
>>>>>>>>> - S McLachlan (changed to correct spelling)
>>
>>>>>>>> Sarah means it's gotten a lot better?
>>
>>>>>>> No, it means, wouldn't you just ride on cloud nine if someone
>>>>>>> said those words to you?
>>
>>>>>>> I think people are getting stingier with complements, especially
>>>>>>> between couples after the honeymoon is over.
>>
>>>>>> The problem I have with the assumption that this is a
>>>>>> siutation/problem with "people" instead of you and your husband
>>>>>> is that it sets up an expectation in your head that it just IS,
>>>>>> and there is nothing you can do about it. If you *choose* not to
>>>>>> address issues with your husband, that is you perogative. But I
>>>>>> suspect that your tendency to think of these issues as general
>>>>>> and common marital issues, I think leads you to a mental state
>>>>>> that is not true.
>>
>>>>> Maybe it does.
>>>>> I realize the *reasons* for the situation/problem can differ as
>>>>> night to day, but the experience can be shared and maybe lead one
>>>>> to some answers they have not considered and maybe some
>>>>> suggestions of where to go from here.
>>
>>>>> Vickie
>>
>>>> I suppose. It does strike me as odd that you specifically DON'T
>>>> attempt to find out what is going on in YOUR situtaion.
>>
>>> Like hell I don't.
>>
>> Hmmm. Maybe it has been a while or I missed it.
>
> Yes, you were not around when I first started to post.
> And sometimes I am more comfortable talking in generals.
> In any case, posters here couldn't possibly know everything I do to
> find out what is going on in my situation and the resolutions I strive
> for.
> I would not try to hazard a guess or make an assumption as to whether
> you are doing all you can in your own marriage. I am not living there
> to see and hear it.
> Ok, well maybe sometimes I make a guess...
>
>>
>>>> You seem to focus on
>>>> generalities to the exclusion of looking at particulars, at least
>>>> on here.
>>
>>> I have spent a good ****tion of posting my specifics.
>>
>>> At this point in my marriage I feel that some of the doozy issues
>>> have come to a close. If you have had an issue like that you would
>>> understand that when it ends it kind of sends you reeling.
>>
>> I am not sure what yoy mean, did a bad issue end in a good way or
>> the other way around?
>
> Bad to good.
>
>>
>> I remember quite well when things were Bad with a capital B. Reeling
>> is not my scene. It was a simple decision that I was not going to
>> live like that for the next 60 years and that it was going to change
>> and that I was willing to risk losing it to change it. But again,
>> that is me. The gna****ng of teeth is short and then on to productive
>> steps.
>
> Kudos, sincerely.
> For me after many consecutive years of fighting and arguing and quiet
> acceptance, then round and round again, well, when it ends, I *am*
> left floundering.
>
Have you read "Passionate Marriage?" It may be interesting to you.
>>
>>> I am left with built up feelings and my husband has some as well. So
>>> now it is the little things that, try as I might, I want to not make
>>> bigger than they are, tamp down on the resentment, not bring in the
>>> past, and figure what needs to be addressed or let go.
>
>> I think tamping resentment is a bad idea, personally. When do you
>> get to be you, without excuse or fear of rejection?- Hide quoted
>> text -
>
> Not sure really. It is a sad, pathetic place to be in. I want those
> feelings to just go away, but they won't. I am hoping with time they
> will diminsh.
>
> In regards to this post, I was thinking how maybe my DH telling me he
> is proud of me may help to quicken the fade of those bad feelings. I
> thought I would post to the others who are in similar situations and
> see if they felt it would make a big difference in their own lives if
> they heard something like that on occassion.
>
> Vickie
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