In
news:e7b29fa1-2f79-40c9-aec8-b250297a2843@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
<deriajoe@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> mused:
> I was wrong. I was wrong to post intimate details of my
> perceptions of my wife's ***ual past. I now realize (now being
> relative) that judging her was horribly wrong. It's been 14
> years and it seems it has finally reached that point where we
> are going to separate and divorce.
>
> Did I make mistakes, you bet. Lots of them. Making her feel
> invaluable when I was the sole financial provider (years ago)
> was wrong. Judging her character based upon my perceptions of
> her "past" was horribly wrong.
>
> Was I 'right'? You bet. In lots of ways. But I've learned, that
> posting my 'right', will look (say 10 years from now), as
> postings her 'wrongs' and I'd hate to have to look back at this
> posting in the same manner that I have so many of my other older
> postings -- with regret. I've learned that often what seems
> right is wrong and vice- versa.
>
> I first started posting to this group 10 years ago. About my
> failing marriage. My concerns about an abusive wife. My fears
> about her as a parent. At that time (as now), my marriage was in
> serious distress and I was in a vulnerable place. Many of the
> posted responses I received to my posts were hurtful. But I
> figured the postings (the hurtful ones) were the 'other
> viewpoint.' So I accepted the criticism but I stopped posting
> 1/2 decade ago. To the cyber sleuths out there, decipher my
> nickname and you'll find me posting about my marriage 10 years
> ago. Unfortunately for me, the more time lapsed, the more we
> stayed the same. But it's an interesting read.
>
> The marriage is over. Who was right about what no longer matters.
> There's more than enough blame for both of us. Least disruption
> to children, fair and equitable division of assets and
> liabilities, establishment of new family routines -- is what I
> am about right now.
>
> In rereading my posts from a decade ago, I'm sad to say many of
> the negative negative aspects of my marriage just intensified.
> Never got any better. I really do feel as though I've given it
> my all and it just isn't working. It's unhealthy for all of us
> in so many ways that I truly believe a rearrangement of our
> family structure is necessary.
>
> Some things I've learned along the way. Your wife is who you
> thought she is. Your wife isn't who you thought she was. That
> beauty truly is skin deep. That there is no right or wrong in a
> marriage -- that thinking makes it so! That you have a right to
> not be abused. That 'staying for the kids' is grasping for
> straws that ain't there. If you're unhappy with someone, you're
> unhappy with someone, 'kids' can't change that. That everyone
> has emotional baggage but to make a marriage works, you gotta be
> able to pack it all in the luggage compartment. Then work like
> hell to deal with it by unpacking it slowly, professionally if
> needed. If you can't fit it all in there together, and then deal
> with it, you will find yourself unhappy and frustrated. That
> there are losses, and then there are LOSSES and you'd better
> learn to tell the difference between the two. That being Dad is
> the most terrific, meaningful purpose of a man. That one man's
> truths can be one woman's lies and vice-versa. That infidelity
> in a marriage does not have to doom it. That loving oneself is a
> wonderful place to be, but realize that not everyone thinks
> you're as terrific as you think you are. That therapy and/or
> meds really can help you deal with your issues. But beware the
> new gained clarity. Now that the wind****eld is beginning to
> clear up you might notice you've crossed the double yellow line.
>
> And finally, that what you post in cyber space NEVER goes away,
> so don't post anything that you can't own up to 10 years later.
> Peace and love to the haters and sup****ters from '98, '03 --
> I'll check back in five years from now with a new moniker (as I
> told you, the marriage is dead and so this moniker must expire
> as well) to remind myself of where I was and to help chart where
> I'm going. To share my story and hopefully others can grow
> positively from it.
So you were wrong to post all of the intimate details years ago, so
your solution is to point people to where those old posts can be
found. Interesting.
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