Xorra wrote:
> Erin wrote:
> > Xorra wrote:
> >> Mary_Gordon@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
wrote:
> >>> I think he is using you as a fall back - a place holder. You are
> >>> reliable, you are his security because he knows he can treat you
> >>> like complete crap, and you will still hold on.
> >>
> >> You know, after one of Jen's posts, I started thinking about this
> >> more. I have a friend sort of like Erin's husband. It's a bit
> >> different because we're just internet friends and are unlikely to
> >> ever meet, much less stay together. Also, I've never described him
> >> as my soul mate.
> >>
> >> But our relation****p, while neither ***ual nor romantic, is very
> >> close, and if my husband asked me to give him up, I'd say no. That
> >> seems ridiculous on the face of it -- give up a marriage to talk on
> >> the computer?!!! Until you remember how bad my marriage has been.
> >> And this guy, even though he is just a friend, gives me something
> >> that I'm honestly not sure I ever got from my husband, which is
> >> respect.
> >>
> >> So I'm thinking that Erin's husband was not as happy during those 25
> >> years as she thought. Why would he say he was if he wasn't? Well,
> >> there are a few possibilities. First of all, if he really does have
> >> Aspberger's, he might have been playing the role of a doting husband
> >> as he understood it. Doing and saying the things he was supposed to
> >> do and say. Or perhaps he was happy at first, and over time the joy
> >> left, and he kept up with the words out of habit. Or perhaps as he
> >> got more unhappy, he tried doting on her more and more in hopes of
> >> bringing back the love. Or perhaps Erin is editing, and he did try
> >> to tell her how unhappy he was, and she didn't hear it.
> >>
> >> I can see how he would feel that Erin didn't believe in him. That
> >> she was just waiting for him to fail. Always on him about his meds
> >> and not believing that he could ever be better, be whole, or
> >> succeed. Even when he lost weight, instead of celebrating, she
> >> decided he must be sick.
> >>
> >> Now, Erin, I understand why you had to be on him about his meds, and
> >> why you were so nervous, wondering when he'd try another suicide or
> >> head banging or whatever. I'm just trying to understand how your
> >> husband might be seeing it.
> >>
> >> So, at a time of deep unhappiness for him, he met a woman who gives
> >> him something he needs. Perhaps respect or belief in him. His
> >> co-workers don't think you should be jealous because they've seen
> >> that the two of them are just buddy buddy. The therapist thinks
> >> you shouldn't be jealous because she understands the nature of their
> >> relation****p. What I'm saying is that really everything he's said
> >> could be the truth. And that his dependance on her will only lessen
> >> when you begin hearing what he really needs from you.
> >>
> >> Xorra
> >
> > Perhaps Erin wasn't happy either; perhaps Erin was concerned
> > when she got a stroke and her DH would not bother to call 911 and
> > risked her life; perhaps Erin got tired of taking a depressed DH
> > down from the noose, and saving him from every personal
> > and medical crisis; perhaps Erin got tired or cooking, cleaning,
> > cheerleading and helping him with him medical proglems;
> > perhaps Erin stayed and gave and gave and gave
> > until she could give no more?
>
> Perhaps, but in that case, why does Erin describe the marriage as ideal?
> What you describe above sounds far from ideal. I think it would be very
odd
> for one partner to really be happy and the other really miserable.
Maybe
> your unhappiness was part of what was making him unhappy.
>
> > Perhaps DH should have divorced
> > Erin if he was unhappy with Erin, instead of hooking up with
> > a soulmate and testing the waters, before dumping Erin, or deciding
> > that Erin is not so bad after all after, testing the Soulmate
> > potential.
>
> Again, you are assuming that he sees her as a girlfriend. Given that so
> many people who know more than we do don't see it that way, then it's
just
> possible that he doesn't, and that he doesn't, and never did have any
> intention to leave you for her.
>
> Xorra
Well, i didn't make that up -- he took off his wedding ring off, he
went to
visit her at her house after she left, she spent a week with him at
his
apt., he told me himself that he loved her (and me), he said she was
the best friend in the world, he said he could talk to her and be
close
in a way that he could not with me, and he got her to call me to tell
me
some cock n' bull story (about their relation****p) and she herself
told
me that they had a long, close relation****p because he was unhappy
with his marriage. And they still talk to each other every day
intimately,
and not over practical, impersonal matters as we do now. And she is
coming to stay with him this summer. If he hasn't slept with her yet,
i'm not going to oblige him by doing it for him. Q.E.D.
Erin
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