On Jul 2, 7:41=A0pm, Erin <im906...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> Erin wrote:
> > Xorra wrote:
> > > Mary_Gor...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
wrote:
> > > > I think he is using you as a fall back - a place holder. You are
> > > > reliable, you are his security because he knows he can treat you
lik=
e
> > > > complete crap, and you will still hold on.
>
> > > You know, after one of Jen's posts, I started thinking about this
more=
.. =A0I
> > > have a friend sort of like Erin's husband. =A0It's a bit different
bec=
ause
> > > we're just internet friends and are unlikely to ever meet, much less
s=
tay
> > > together. =A0Also, I've never described him as my soul mate.
>
> > > But our relation****p, while neither ***ual nor romantic, is very
close=
, and
> > > if my husband asked me to give him up, I'd say no. =A0That seems
ridic=
ulous on
> > > the face of it -- give up a marriage to talk on the computer?!!!
=A0Un=
til you
> > > remember how bad my marriage has been. =A0And this guy, even though
he=
is just
> > > a friend, gives me something that I'm honestly not sure I ever got
fro=
m my
> > > husband, which is respect.
>
> > > So I'm thinking that Erin's husband was not as happy during those 25
y=
ears
> > > as she thought. =A0Why would he say he was if he wasn't? =A0Well,
ther=
e are a
> > > few possibilities. =A0First of all, if he really does have
Aspberger's=
, he
> > > might have been playing the role of a doting husband as he
understood =
it.
> > > Doing and saying the things he was supposed to do and say. =A0Or
perha=
ps he
> > > was happy at first, and over time the joy left, and he kept up with
th=
e
> > > words out of habit. =A0Or perhaps as he got more unhappy, he tried
dot=
ing on
> > > her more and more in hopes of bringing back the love. =A0Or perhaps
Er=
in is
> > > editing, and he did try to tell her how unhappy he was, and she
didn't=
hear
> > > it.
>
> > > I can see how he would feel that Erin didn't believe in him. =A0That
s=
he was
> > > just waiting for him to fail. =A0Always on him about his meds and
not
> > > believing that he could ever be better, be whole, or succeed.
=A0Even =
when he
> > > lost weight, instead of celebrating, she decided he must be sick.
>
> > > Now, Erin, I understand why you had to be on him about his meds, and
w=
hy you
> > > were so nervous, wondering when he'd try another suicide or head
bangi=
ng or
> > > whatever. =A0I'm just trying to understand how your husband might be
s=
eeing
> > > it.
>
> > > So, at a time of deep unhappiness for him, he met a woman who gives
hi=
m
> > > something he needs. =A0Perhaps respect or belief in him. =A0His
co-wor=
kers don't
> > > think you should be jealous because they've seen that the two of
them =
are
> > > just buddy buddy. =A0The therapist thinks =A0you shouldn't be
jealous =
because
> > > she understands the nature of their relation****p. =A0What I'm saying
i=
s that
> > > really everything he's said could be the truth. =A0And that his
depend=
ance on
> > > her will only lessen when you begin hearing what he really needs
from =
you.
>
> > > Xorra
>
> > Perhaps Erin wasn't happy either; perhaps Erin was concerned
> > when she got a stroke and her DH would not bother to call 911 and
> > risked her life; perhaps Erin got tired of taking a depressed DH
> > down from the noose, and saving him from every personal
> > and medical crisis; perhaps Erin got tired or cooking, cleaning,
> > cheerleading and helping him with him medical proglems;
> > perhaps Erin stayed and gave and gave and gave
> > until she could give no more? =A0 Perhaps DH should have divorced
> > Erin if he was unhappy with Erin, instead of hooking up with
> > a soulmate and testing the waters, before dumping Erin, or deciding
> > that Erin is not so bad after all after, testing the Soulmate
> > potential.
>
> > Erin
>
> BTW, I don't think he has Asperger's syndrome-- though it looks like
> it;
> i am beginning to suspect that my husband is a sociopath.
If he is, what exactly does that say about you? You married him, you
stayed with him all these years.
Think about it.
Is your judgement really all that bad, Erin?
Are you pathetic enough that you would continue to stay with someone
like this?
I think the answer is no and no.
Which also means no, he's not a sociopath.
jen
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