Erin wrote:
> Xorra wrote:
> > Mary_Gordon@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
wrote:
> > > I think he is using you as a fall back - a place holder. You are
> > > reliable, you are his security because he knows he can treat you
like
> > > complete crap, and you will still hold on.
> >
> > You know, after one of Jen's posts, I started thinking about this
more. I
> > have a friend sort of like Erin's husband. It's a bit different
because
> > we're just internet friends and are unlikely to ever meet, much less
stay
> > together. Also, I've never described him as my soul mate.
> >
> > But our relation****p, while neither ***ual nor romantic, is very
close, and
> > if my husband asked me to give him up, I'd say no. That seems
ridiculous on
> > the face of it -- give up a marriage to talk on the computer?!!!
Until you
> > remember how bad my marriage has been. And this guy, even though he
is just
> > a friend, gives me something that I'm honestly not sure I ever got
from my
> > husband, which is respect.
> >
> > So I'm thinking that Erin's husband was not as happy during those 25
years
> > as she thought. Why would he say he was if he wasn't? Well, there
are a
> > few possibilities. First of all, if he really does have Aspberger's,
he
> > might have been playing the role of a doting husband as he understood
it.
> > Doing and saying the things he was supposed to do and say. Or perhaps
he
> > was happy at first, and over time the joy left, and he kept up with
the
> > words out of habit. Or perhaps as he got more unhappy, he tried
doting on
> > her more and more in hopes of bringing back the love. Or perhaps Erin
is
> > editing, and he did try to tell her how unhappy he was, and she didn't
hear
> > it.
> >
> > I can see how he would feel that Erin didn't believe in him. That she
was
> > just waiting for him to fail. Always on him about his meds and not
> > believing that he could ever be better, be whole, or succeed. Even
when he
> > lost weight, instead of celebrating, she decided he must be sick.
> >
> > Now, Erin, I understand why you had to be on him about his meds, and
why you
> > were so nervous, wondering when he'd try another suicide or head
banging or
> > whatever. I'm just trying to understand how your husband might be
seeing
> > it.
> >
> > So, at a time of deep unhappiness for him, he met a woman who gives
him
> > something he needs. Perhaps respect or belief in him. His co-workers
don't
> > think you should be jealous because they've seen that the two of them
are
> > just buddy buddy. The therapist thinks you shouldn't be jealous
because
> > she understands the nature of their relation****p. What I'm saying is
that
> > really everything he's said could be the truth. And that his
dependance on
> > her will only lessen when you begin hearing what he really needs from
you.
> >
> > Xorra
>
> Perhaps Erin wasn't happy either; perhaps Erin was concerned
> when she got a stroke and her DH would not bother to call 911 and
> risked her life; perhaps Erin got tired of taking a depressed DH
> down from the noose, and saving him from every personal
> and medical crisis; perhaps Erin got tired or cooking, cleaning,
> cheerleading and helping him with him medical proglems;
> perhaps Erin stayed and gave and gave and gave
> until she could give no more? Perhaps DH should have divorced
> Erin if he was unhappy with Erin, instead of hooking up with
> a soulmate and testing the waters, before dumping Erin, or deciding
> that Erin is not so bad after all after, testing the Soulmate
> potential.
>
> Erin
BTW, I don't think he has Asperger's syndrome-- though it looks like
it;
i am beginning to suspect that my husband is a sociopath.
Erin
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