Xorra wrote:
> Mary_Gordon@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
wrote:
> > I think he is using you as a fall back - a place holder. You are
> > reliable, you are his security because he knows he can treat you like
> > complete crap, and you will still hold on.
>
> You know, after one of Jen's posts, I started thinking about this more.
I
> have a friend sort of like Erin's husband. It's a bit different because
> we're just internet friends and are unlikely to ever meet, much less
stay
> together. Also, I've never described him as my soul mate.
>
> But our relation****p, while neither ***ual nor romantic, is very close,
and
> if my husband asked me to give him up, I'd say no. That seems
ridiculous on
> the face of it -- give up a marriage to talk on the computer?!!! Until
you
> remember how bad my marriage has been. And this guy, even though he is
just
> a friend, gives me something that I'm honestly not sure I ever got from
my
> husband, which is respect.
>
> So I'm thinking that Erin's husband was not as happy during those 25
years
> as she thought. Why would he say he was if he wasn't? Well, there are
a
> few possibilities. First of all, if he really does have Aspberger's, he
> might have been playing the role of a doting husband as he understood
it.
> Doing and saying the things he was supposed to do and say. Or perhaps
he
> was happy at first, and over time the joy left, and he kept up with the
> words out of habit. Or perhaps as he got more unhappy, he tried doting
on
> her more and more in hopes of bringing back the love. Or perhaps Erin
is
> editing, and he did try to tell her how unhappy he was, and she didn't
hear
> it.
>
> I can see how he would feel that Erin didn't believe in him. That she
was
> just waiting for him to fail. Always on him about his meds and not
> believing that he could ever be better, be whole, or succeed. Even when
he
> lost weight, instead of celebrating, she decided he must be sick.
>
> Now, Erin, I understand why you had to be on him about his meds, and why
you
> were so nervous, wondering when he'd try another suicide or head banging
or
> whatever. I'm just trying to understand how your husband might be
seeing
> it.
>
> So, at a time of deep unhappiness for him, he met a woman who gives him
> something he needs. Perhaps respect or belief in him. His co-workers
don't
> think you should be jealous because they've seen that the two of them
are
> just buddy buddy. The therapist thinks you shouldn't be jealous
because
> she understands the nature of their relation****p. What I'm saying is
that
> really everything he's said could be the truth. And that his dependance
on
> her will only lessen when you begin hearing what he really needs from
you.
>
> Xorra
Perhaps Erin wasn't happy either; perhaps Erin was concerned
when she got a stroke and her DH would not bother to call 911 and
risked her life; perhaps Erin got tired of taking a depressed DH
down from the noose, and saving him from every personal
and medical crisis; perhaps Erin got tired or cooking, cleaning,
cheerleading and helping him with him medical proglems;
perhaps Erin stayed and gave and gave and gave
until she could give no more? Perhaps DH should have divorced
Erin if he was unhappy with Erin, instead of hooking up with
a soulmate and testing the waters, before dumping Erin, or deciding
that Erin is not so bad after all after, testing the Soulmate
potential.
Erin
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