Mary_Gordon@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
wrote:
> I think he is using you as a fall back - a place holder. You are
> reliable, you are his security because he knows he can treat you like
> complete crap, and you will still hold on.
You know, after one of Jen's posts, I started thinking about this more. I
have a friend sort of like Erin's husband. It's a bit different because
we're just internet friends and are unlikely to ever meet, much less stay
together. Also, I've never described him as my soul mate.
But our relation****p, while neither ***ual nor romantic, is very close,
and
if my husband asked me to give him up, I'd say no. That seems ridiculous
on
the face of it -- give up a marriage to talk on the computer?!!! Until
you
remember how bad my marriage has been. And this guy, even though he is
just
a friend, gives me something that I'm honestly not sure I ever got from my
husband, which is respect.
So I'm thinking that Erin's husband was not as happy during those 25 years
as she thought. Why would he say he was if he wasn't? Well, there are a
few possibilities. First of all, if he really does have Aspberger's, he
might have been playing the role of a doting husband as he understood it.
Doing and saying the things he was supposed to do and say. Or perhaps he
was happy at first, and over time the joy left, and he kept up with the
words out of habit. Or perhaps as he got more unhappy, he tried doting on
her more and more in hopes of bringing back the love. Or perhaps Erin is
editing, and he did try to tell her how unhappy he was, and she didn't
hear
it.
I can see how he would feel that Erin didn't believe in him. That she was
just waiting for him to fail. Always on him about his meds and not
believing that he could ever be better, be whole, or succeed. Even when
he
lost weight, instead of celebrating, she decided he must be sick.
Now, Erin, I understand why you had to be on him about his meds, and why
you
were so nervous, wondering when he'd try another suicide or head banging
or
whatever. I'm just trying to understand how your husband might be seeing
it.
So, at a time of deep unhappiness for him, he met a woman who gives him
something he needs. Perhaps respect or belief in him. His co-workers
don't
think you should be jealous because they've seen that the two of them are
just buddy buddy. The therapist thinks you shouldn't be jealous because
she understands the nature of their relation****p. What I'm saying is that
really everything he's said could be the truth. And that his dependance
on
her will only lessen when you begin hearing what he really needs from you.
Xorra
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