AllYou! wrote:
> In
> news:e10dd87a-254a-4808-bf9c-5e88a6ce2285@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Erin <im906768@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> mused:
> > AllYou! wrote:
> >> In
> >>
news:f5177187-bc89-479f-a05d-8265c8f74c4f@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >> Erin <im906768@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> mused:
> >>> If a husband treats his mistress with civility,
> >>> respect and affection, finding no fault even with
> >>> obvious faults she has to others, while treating his wife
> >>> with impatience, irritability, rudeness and contempt,
> >>> ignoring her good character, hard work, and kindness,
> >>> what does it mean?
> >>
> >> Well, it could be as the wife says it is, and that the DH is
> >> mentally ill from all of that head banging, or from some other
> >> source.
> >>
> >> Or, if not that, it could mean that there's is something
> >> physically or psychologically wrong with the wife who chooses
> >> to remain as the wife, thereby accepting being treated that way.
> >>
> >>> My ************ says it means
> >>> that he has idealized the mistress, and that he has moved on
> >>> from his past love for his wife. Do counsellors think that
> >>> this can be reversed? Does anyone-- are there
> >>> statistics?
> >>
> >> My personal belief is that nothing is impossible, and
> >> therefore, it is possible that the DH will someday abandon his
> >> mistress, and fall back in love with his wife. I also think
> >> that it's possible that I could win $1 billion dollars in Vegas
> >> this spring, but I'm not going to plan my life around it.
> >>
> >>
> >>> I tend to think that's true. And yet, some people
> >>> think the marriage should continue, while others
> >>> think it's over.
> >>>
> >>> It seems that everyone has their own interest at
> >>> heart in this.
> >>
> >> :-) No one, except you, has any vested interest in this.
> >
> >
> > That's not true-- my DH does, my family, he does-- whatever
> > "vested" means
>
> Actually, no they do not. YOU are the only one with a vested
> interest in what you do. Maybe a case could be made that your kids
> would as well, but you do not have any kids. Certainly, thos
> epeople will be affected by your decision, but it is your life, and
> so it is not for any of them, not even your DH, to pressure you to
> do other than what you want to do.
>
>
> > -- never could understand; could it be that
> > the closer you are to someone the freer you are to show your
> > bad side?
>
> Not excatly. It's that for many people, the more secure they are in
> feeling that another person will stay with them no matter what they
> do, the more free they are to show that person their bad side.
> That's what you've been told here now very many times.
I have thought of that AY. He never asks me for example, how
I feel about him, etc. And I am pretty sure it's because he is
so secure with me and the thought of me falling in love with
someone else or abandoning him, doesn't even cross him mind.
It is beyond possibility after the amount of care i have invested.
But consider.... what if he were insecure? What if he did wonder
at this point in time (and that's im****tant if we assume that he
is presently in an altered state) whether i would leave him?
It's an interesting question because unlike before the hypothetical
relation with OW, this time it may actually be a release from the
bondage that prevents him from joining his new favourite.
Alas, he does not say that; rather that he does love me. So,]
I have to accept things at face value as my counsellor does,
until and if he actually presents me with incontrovertible evidence
to the contrary.
Fun, huh? (actually there is a science of love -- with the
flashy MRI pics and everything)-- what a miserable mass of
protoplasmic ooze we are;
Erin
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