Some clergy want out of wedding duty
Marriage laws, lack of church commitment from newlyweds make faith
leaders think twice.
By Jennifer Garza - jgarza sacbee.com
Published 12:00 am PDT Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Story appeared in MAIN NEWS section, Page A1
http://www.sacbee.com/101/story/1051489.html
Some clergy think churches should divorce themselves from the wedding
business.
The controversy over same-*** marriage =96 along with a growing sense
that many couples who marry in churches never return =96 has prompted
faith leaders to say it's time to reconsider how California couples
tie the knot.
After the California Supreme Court ruled gay marriage legal, the
bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of California began encouraging all
couples to marry outside the church.
"I urge you to encourage all couples, regardless of orientation, to
follow the pattern of first being married in a secular service, and
then being blessed in the Episcopal Church," Bishop Marc Handley
Andrus wrote his clergy June 9.
This model is used by many European countries, according to John
Witte, director of the Center for the Study of Law and Religion at
Emory University. He said that approach has been practiced in France,
the Netherlands, Belgium, Scandinavia and other countries for many
years.
"In those countries, the civil ceremony is sufficient," he said.
The Very Rev. Brian Baker, dean of Trinity Cathedral in Sacramento,
sup****ts the bishop's proposal.
Being a part of a couple's special day is an honor, Baker said. But
like other clergy, he believes weddings have become too trying in
recent years.
"There are a lot of benefits in getting out of the legal marriage
business," he said. "This way the clergy and the couple can focus on
the spiritual blessings the church has to offer and not the political
stuff."
The proposal has intrigued church members. "I'd like to learn more. Is
a blessing the same as a wedding?" asked Kim Lake of Sacramento.
George Raya is a member of Integrity, the Episcopal Church's sup****t
group for gays and lesbians.
"I heard about it last week," he said. "To me, it's (the church's) way
of getting around treating us equally. As soon as we can get married,
they want us to get blessed? A lot of us would like to get married in
church."
The Episcopal Church does not allow same-*** marriages.
Many couples still dream of the big church wedding =96 the steeple, the
organ music, the flowers on the altar.
Despite the rise in destination weddings =96 overlooking the ocean, or
in a foothills winery, or in Hawaii =96 nearly half of all ceremonies
take place at a house of wor****p, according to the Cond=E9 Nast American
Wedding Study 2006.
Stefanie Franks was willing to wait =96 and pay for her dream church
wedding. Last Saturday, she married Christopher Malenab in a
traditional Catholic ceremony at the Cathedral of the Blessed
Sacrament, perhaps the most popular sanctuary in the region for
weddings.
The downtown church is booked for most of the year and charges $2,300
per wedding, a cost that includes the use of the sanctuary as well as
fees for the organist and the wedding coordinator.
"I grew up practicing my faith," said Franks, two days before her
ceremony. "To me, getting married in a church is im****tant for
religious reasons."
That is not true for all couples, said Baker and other clergy. Many
come for the wedding and the pictures by the stained glass windows but
never return to the church.
"They want to get married, so they pick a church but don't go after
the ceremony," said Baker. "We never see them again."
To combat so-called drive-by weddings, several Sacramento churches
signed a "wedding covenant" several years ago, said the Rev. Rick
Cole, pastor of Capital Christian Center in Sacramento.
"Basically, we agreed that couples would have to undergo a certain
amount of premarital counseling," Cole said.
He officiates at 15 church weddings a year, most of them involving
members. "We wouldn't marry someone just looking for a church."
Cole said he had not heard of the proposal by Episcopal Church
leaders. "But I think people should have a choice. If they want a
civil marriage, that's fine. But a lot of people want church
weddings."
The idea of a secular marriage followed by a religious ceremony is
something church leaders of various faiths have been discussing since
the ruling on gay marriage, said Kent Carlson of Oak Hills Church in
Folsom. He finds the idea "interesting, but I'm still thinking about
it."
Carlson said many pastors are concerned about working as agents of the
state, something they do during wedding ceremonies when they say, for
example, "by the power vested in me."
"This makes some ministers uncomfortable, because we're performing a
civil function," says Carlson. "Most of us are pastors first."
The Rev. Scot Sorensen of St. John's Lutheran Church in Sacramento is
familiar with how the issues of church, state and marriage are handled
in other countries.
"Two ceremonies =96 one civil and one faith =96 might have some merits to
consider," said Sorensen.
He doesn't turn couples away who want to marry at his church, even if
he knows the couple will likely not return.
"We know they're probably looking for a pretty building," he said.
"But I think something is stirring them inside to want to be married
in a church."
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