We're pretty cocky, aren't we, to take this infinite intuition, this
spiritual incomprehension, and describe it in either three thousand
pages or one syllable: God.
Yeah, well, this never-before seen, indescribable monosyllabic entity
has a way of mucking with me. He mucks with us all, and I think it's
because we ask for so much Goddamming.
See, I bought this house. Things went fast, and by fast I mean I
bought the first house I looked at, and it's perfect. My old house
went on the market one Friday, had two offers the next Monday. I've
barely had time to plan, just been swept away by this undertow, drug
down the river, hiedi hey, hiedo ho, heidi hey ho ho.
So I called in a painter to give me a quote. I said, "Can you get it
painted by Friday?" It was Saturday, I figured a week was good.
"I'm ready today," he said.
Well, goddamn, I thought, so we went to pick out paint. My first house
had colors that were tepid and pastel, my second house had colors that
were thick and pasty. I figured this third house, the charm, should
have livelier colors, something bold, not overwhelming, but warm and
cheerful. I wanted a bright house that would be impossible to frown
in. I joked that I should get fruity colors -- orangey orange, banana
yellow, apple red, peachy peach, pickle green, and so on. Fun colors.
But, I toned it down, and instead chose a smooth yellow for the common
areas and kitchen, and accented it with a soft orange/peach. I got a
deep mahogany red for the gameroom.
All righty, Almighty, He gets me again, add another chalk mark on the
Big Dog's side of the board. You very funny guy.
The colors went up a bit ~bolder~ than I thought they would. In fact,
I'd say they're striking.
Smooth yellow turned crisp -- not lemon, but crispy, a just-turned
yellow banana. I used to eat a banana-flavored popsicle that was just
this color, maybe banana taffy.
The orange is in fact orange, as stated on the color swath. With the
knockdown drywall texturing, I now have orange-peel walls. Thick,
beautiful orange peels you feel like you could lick. Grown in Florida.
Gorgeous.
The red is in fact red, again, as stated on the color swath. Tomato
red. Matches the tomato vines the prior owner planted out back.
I live in a Mexican restaurant.
My realtor walked in and said, "Whoa! Hey, wow, you know I like it."
He's Hispanic and digs those colors.
Bro sang the clown theme -- do do doddle doddle do do do do.
Bro asked the painters, "Why didn't you stop him?"
"I don't pick the paint, I just paint it." I laughed, and so did my
Hispanic painters.
I told them all: "It'd be hard to be unhappy in here, wouldn't it."
They agreed, and we laughed again.
Bienvenidos a casa del Saul
- Saul
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