In
news:5389d531-5b84-4566-ad2a-6da4c06a5247@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
<momshea4@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> mused:
> Sorry to double-post, but this is to Doug, because I have been
> following other threads and I detect a certain anger about 'women
> trying to change men'. Haha.. "detect", more like picked it up
> off the ground like a penny.
> About 3 weeks ago, my husband decided to clean the garage,
> and had our 2nd son help him. They were working along pretty
> good when I went out there, and I took my coffee out to watch
> and help. (I'm not much help, physically, because my back is
> crooked and I can't move heavy things without paying for it). I
> was more of the 'pain in the ass' kind of help, you'd say. Like
> looking at the whole picture and saying 'if that stuff gets
> moved out of the corner, look how well the OTHER stuff could
> fit..." etc. My husband is awesome at steady hard work, but
> gets stressed and bogged down with organizational tasks. So I
> stayed out there with my coffee, pointed out good ways to place
> things, carried trash to the curb. My husband found his box of
> old photo albums from when he was in the Marines, and he was
> just goig to find another spot to stick it, but I said "Hey...
> take some of those albums out! When you are putting the boys to
> bed, you guys can go through that stuff and you can tell
> them your stories..." He said, "Good idea!" and seemed pleased,
> and it made me happy
> to see him carry a few albums out and put them in the 'house'
> pile. I looked through the album and found a cool picture of
> him, at age 20, posing with a machine gun, and I put it on the
> fridge for the boys to see.
> Doug.. I'm not trying to CHANGE my husband. I just want
> him to come alive.
You want him to be different than he is (i.e., "alive" vs. how he is
now), and so, no matter how you rationalize it, you are trying to
change him. That's not to say that wanting him to change, or doing
things that might cause him to change is a bad thing, but to deny
that is what you are trying to do is a self-serving rationalization.
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