Re: lonely

"Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> Doug Freyburger wrote:
> > mom0f4boys <momsh...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>
> >> sorry sorry sorry and I'm SICK of feeling sorry and mad!!!!!!
>
> > You come in about twice a year and complain. =A0What's the
> > action in between? =A0Or do you just prefer the group be a
> > sounding board?
>
> What difference does that make?

Check her posting history.  In 2006 she came in complaining
her husband gets violent and describing her strategies that
egg him on until he has an outburst.  While women do like
to express their feeelings and act as each other's sounding
boards that is unlikely to help a situation that includes either
violence or systematic action to trigger violence.

> > I get the feminine deal of complaining
> > every so often to let off steam, but your words include "hate".
> > That isn't letting off steam. =A0None of your complaints have
> > been about stuff he's done or stuff you've done.

When I wrote this I'd only gone back a bit.  Not to the
initial posts about the violence.  So much for my
uninformed statement that "None of your complaints
have been about stuff he's done" aka violent outbursts
"or stuff you've done" aka stories of egging him on.

> > You feelings
> > are im****tant and expressing them is supposed to give you
> > release,
>
> It's a *process*, Doug. =A0 And probably a long one. =A0 =A0:-)

One that's been going on for two years at this point.  Check.
Has the violence happened since?  To what extent does not
triggering it mean walking on eggshells?  Is she in the
marriage counting time until the youngest goes to college
so she can bail when the kids are no longer dependent in
her view on an intact couple (not that a situation with violent
outbursts counts as an intact marriage)?

> > So I'm somewhere between - "Cut it out with the words that
> > hurt" and "Okay did that blow off enough steam that you're
> > good for another six months? =A0Folks read your message so
> > the sounding board thing worked."
>
> "Worked"? =A0 =A0(We're not here necessarily to just FIX things).

Worked.  Check.  Maybe she is biding time until the youngest
is no longer dependent.   Maybe she's walking on eggshells
so no more violence occurs.  If so, then venting anonymously
to be able to handle it for several more months works.

My take - I think adult humans are supposed to be able to
do emotional outbursts and handle conflicts without getting
violent.  I don't know how much her stories of egging on
matter in that sense.  When people push my buttons I get
angry but not violent and I think that's the proper expectation
for all adults.

So just to be clear - momof4boys, exactly why are you still
married to a violent man?  If even one child was born after the
first violent outburst why on earth did you deliberately bring
more like him into the world?