Last night I came home from my buddies house after watching the hockey
playoffs. When I got home my wife was still up. One of her girl
friends was over chatting with her. We shut the lights off and when
upstairs to bed. I got in bed and she said, "Oh your not sleeping
downstairs?" I had slept downstairs in the guest room because one off
our boys was sick the other night and she had him sleep in our bed.
The next night I was just to tied to get the alarm clock, pillows etc.
and take them upstairs. So I just crawled into the guest room. Anyway
I said that I was sleeping in my bed. I then asked what was wrong. She
went off the handle.
She has been acting a little stand-offish all week. Last weekend we
went out with another couple, for apps and drinks downtown at a casino
that our friends go to, we had never been to one. We had fun, played a
couple nickel slots, I won $16. Overall a fun night was had. The next
morning/day I was tied as we stayed out pretty late. Later than I
usually stay out. Anyway I was outside working in the yard, spring
cleanup to get the trash out for Monday morning pickup. She came out
and said she was walking the dog in a snippy tone. She is always
crabbing and has a short fuse the day after she drinks. She drinks
multiple nights a week so she is hungover a lot. Basically a
"functioning alcoholic." Anyway after a couple hours of her yelling at
the boys I went outside to work. when she said she was walking the dog
I asked her why she was crabby. She said "your kidding right?" which
is always her response to me.
My wife has been building this wall of "bricks" for years now, any
little thing I do that she doesn't approve of becomes a "brick." I
have posted in the past of my known issues, pot addiction (3.5 yrs
clean!), things that I have said in fights. Everything becomes a
brick.
Well anyway she started off on me last night, started naming all the
bricks, this that and the other. I said I can't take it.
She said then we need to separate. We have been to the therapist, I
was the one who initiated that. She never wanted to go but did. She
didn't like hear that she was wrong or that she had to change her
behavior and learn how to forgive. Well she stopped going and I
continued. The therapist and I talked about the situation and
possibility of us splitting up. On my last session, we discussed how
she was not putting forth any positive changes towards making the
relation****p better. He said if she says she wants to split remind
her that she had never tried to make it work.
Well I think that time is at hand. She said last night that we have
been separated for two years just living as roomates in the same house
with our kids. WHAT??? yea she has been lacking and affection for a
while. We have had *** but that is far and few between, the last was
when we where on family vacation in Florida at the end of March. I
don't ask/try any more, to many shut-downs kills it for me.
I am just sick. We were happy before, I know there is a good person in
there. She talks a lot about her divorce girlfriends and how happy
they are, a lot. She just read the book, "The last Lecture" It was
given to my brother-in-law and I by my Mom. Last night in our
conversation, my wife said that book really cleared up a lot of things
for her about us.
Should I go see a therapist again, alone?
Should I accept the fact that she just doesn't care anymore about me?
Should I still fight to keep the relation****p?
Should I seek legal advice?
I try to do everything I can around the house, but when I get home
from working all day programming, I wan to play with the boys before
bed, help them with home work, etc. So I can't always to a ton of
chores during the week. She is a stay at home mom so she is home all
week. We had an agreement when we decided to get married. I go to work
and pay the bills, she will take care of the family and house.
I have got some sound adive from this forum before, lets hear what you
have to say, I don't know what to do.
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