Re: A woman who dated a married man

On Thu, 3 Jan 2008 06:28:21 -0800 (PST), krzgirl <krzgirl@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
wrote:

>
>I am not happy with the fact that I hurt people so badly or I made
>decisions that go so strongly against what I believe to be right and
>true. 

(snip)

>Because I made bad decisions in some
>areas, that doesn't make me dumb or naive.

True enough  However, judging from everything you've said so far in
this group your are (assuming you're real) remarkably dangerous to
yourself and to this married man.  For him, you're like matches to an
arsonist.  And to you, he's like bourbon to an alcoholic.

>
>I fell in love with someone 

You keep using that word "love"... but you use it a lot like an
alcoholic uses it when he/she says "I'd love a drink"... but only
meaning, really that he/she has no control over how he/she behaves
with whiskey.  But an alcoholic does, of course, have control over how
he/she behaves... and so do you.

Personally, I think that people ought to try to avoid concepts of
"love" that have no element of self-control.  Real "love" is not just
an emotional state... athough it can and should lead to an emotional
state.  Love is not something you "fall into" or catch like a disease.
For an adult, love is a consciously chosen and pursued life style.

(snip)

>actions. As imperfect as I am, I am light years ahead of most of the
>folks here when it comes to understanding human behavior and emotional
>maturity. 

Actually, I rather doubt that.

>The flipside is, I am just as human as anyone. But, I am not
>as vulnerable, my self esteem is intact, though I struggle daily with
>my actions. If folks want to continue to attack, I will continue to
>defend, but if they want to have a discussion, I could and would do
>that too.
>
>I continue in less frequent pastoral counseling 

For what it's worth, I suspect that any pastor worth his/her salt
would be advising you to break off *all* contact with this married man
and to proceed with firmly erasing him from your mind.  <grin>  And I
know something about pastors... I'm married to one.

>and in counseling with
>a professional counselor to try to write as much as I can inside of me
>emotionally and religiously.  I don't talk to MM and I don't see him
>and I don't have physical contact with him anymore, because this is as
>much as he and I are both capable of doing right at this point in
>time. 

*His* capabilities, whatever they may be, are not the issue.  The
point is that *you* can avoid contacting him... just as thousands of
AA members find that they *can* avoid taking that first drink...

>No, kudos for stopping the affair because it was the right thing
>to do, though. And since he is living at home, I am not a homewrecker,
>I could have taken his home apart, had I chosen to, but I didn't.
>Though much is weakened, he is still able to live there and have a
>somewhat normal life.
>
>I have decreased the frequency with which I cry over this issue though
>as I am getting healthier and getting on with life. Though you choose
>to attack me for reaching, dating, and trying to have a life without
>the married man, that is what the pastor and counselor recommend I do,

Good advice... have a life *without* the married man.  And as far as
"dating" is concerned... well, there's "dating" and there's ***.  I
doubt if your pastor is advising you to sleep with casual
acquaintances...

>vs sitting at home stewing over MM (married man). So, tear away, I
>will continue to do what is right for me and try to make a life out of
>this mess.
>
>And if you think I "like" an affair, like the drama, the pain, you are
>so very wrong, VERY WRONG. I hurt for my choices, I hurt for the pain
>I caused myself, him, his wife, and potentially could have caused both
>our children. I hurt because I greyed right and wrong so badly and
>because I still do on some level because I still love him 

No, you don't "love" him...

>and want
>him. 

....but you do *want* him.

rj