Re: A woman who dated a married man

On Thu, 3 Jan 2008 06:28:21 -0800 (PST), krzgirl <krzgirl@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
wrote:


>I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have or with the right person
>at the wrong time in both of our lives. But this doesn't change the
>fact that I love him. Unfortunately, I do love him.

I'm not sure why you are suprised at the reception you've received
here.  You didn't just happen to fall in love with the guy next door;
the two of you live a long ways away from each other (or so I assume
from your earlier posts).  You both made a concerted effort to
deceive, you encouraged him to visit and slept with him despite
knowing he is/was married.  Did you expect us to greet you with cries
of joy and a lei?  Perhaps we should have thrown you a virtual BBQ?
>
>I continue in less frequent pastoral counseling and in counseling with
>a professional counselor to try to write as much as I can inside of me
>emotionally and religiously. I don't talk to MM and I don't see him
>and I don't have physical contact with him anymore, because this is as
>much as he and I are both capable of doing right at this point in
>time. No, kudos for stopping the affair because it was the right thing
>to do, though. 

You didn't really stop it though, did you?  Didn't you mention that
you guys have secret ways of contacting each other to keep reassuring
yourselves that you're still in love?  Still share a checking account?
>
>I have decreased the frequency with which I cry over this issue though
>as I am getting healthier and getting on with life. Though you choose
>to attack me for reaching, dating, and trying to have a life without
>the married man, that is what the pastor and counselor recommend I do,
>vs sitting at home stewing over MM (married man). So, tear away, I
>will continue to do what is right for me and try to make a life out of
>this mess.
>
I do think that you're doing the right thing by moving on.  I just
hope that you are able to learn from the past.  

>missed. But, when you attack someone they defend themselves, even if
>they know they were wrong. What I did/am doing is not justifiable, but
>it is explainable. But, if nobody is trying to understand, there is no
>reason in my trying to explain.

I think it seems that nobody is trying to understand because you seem
to be very bent on defending and minimizing your actions.  You know
the phrases to say to inidicate that you know it was wrong, but then
you proudly talk about the secret signals that the two of you have set
up to re-state your love for each other.  And you mentioned in an
earlier post that you had a recent communication from him that hinted
that he was going to leave you a positive "secret signal".  This
affair isn't over, it's just simmering on low.  It sounds to me as if
you're both just kind of waiting for his wife to go off "red alert" so
you can pick it back up again.

So....there is my opinion.  If you want to interpret that as an
attack, go ahead.  And you are wrong about people in here not being
understanding; there is a longstanding member here who had a very
serious emotional affair before she left her first marriage.  She's
very open and honest about it.  She does not defend her actions or try
to blame them on someone else.  And she is accepted here with open
arms.
-- 
Lauri in WA