Re: A woman who dated a married man

krzgirl wrote:
> > Look "woman who dated a married man", =EF=BF=BD(dated?) anyway, look,
> > we all have our limitations, talents and abilities. =EF=BF=BDSome
people=
 like
> > to
> > stay away from exciting love affairs, for a number of reasons.
=EF=BF=BD=
It's
> > your choice to do so, but you are asking for help so, that's why
> > you're
> > getting different replies from different perspectives. =EF=BF=BDIf you
w=
er
> > happy
> > with your life choices, you would not be here.
> >
> > Erin
>
> I am not happy with the fact that I hurt people so badly or I made
> decisions that go so strongly against what I believe to be right and
> true. Yet people have drug information out of me, and held it against
> me vs. looking at the issue that brought me here in the first place.
> They have torn me apart for having illnesses. Like somehow I deserve
> them for my actions. They have stooped as low as to call me a "whore"
> and suggest that MM may be gay or having multiple affairs, which I
> know to be just not true. Sometimes people are busy enough and in
> contact with someone enough, it just wouldn't be humanly possible for
> them to be seeing someone else. Because I made bad decisions in some
> areas, that doesn't make me dumb or naive.
>
> I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have or with the right person
> at the wrong time in both of our lives. But this doesn't change the
> fact that I love him. Unfortunately, I do love him. Folks here also
> don't realize that when you attack someone they just defend their
> actions. As imperfect as I am, I am light years ahead of most of the
> folks here when it comes to understanding human behavior and emotional
> maturity. The flipside is, I am just as human as anyone. But, I am not
> as vulnerable, my self esteem is intact, though I struggle daily with
> my actions. If folks want to continue to attack, I will continue to
> defend, but if they want to have a discussion, I could and would do
> that too.
>
> I continue in less frequent pastoral counseling and in counseling with
> a professional counselor to try to write as much as I can inside of me
> emotionally and religiously. I don't talk to MM and I don't see him
> and I don't have physical contact with him anymore, because this is as
> much as he and I are both capable of doing right at this point in
> time. No, kudos for stopping the affair because it was the right thing
> to do, though. And since he is living at home, I am not a homewrecker,
> I could have taken his home apart, had I chosen to, but I didn't.
> Though much is weakened, he is still able to live there and have a
> somewhat normal life.
>
> I have decreased the frequency with which I cry over this issue though
> as I am getting healthier and getting on with life. Though you choose
> to attack me for reaching, dating, and trying to have a life without
> the married man, that is what the pastor and counselor recommend I do,
> vs sitting at home stewing over MM (married man). So, tear away, I
> will continue to do what is right for me and try to make a life out of
> this mess.
>
> And if you think I "like" an affair, like the drama, the pain, you are
> so very wrong, VERY WRONG. I hurt for my choices, I hurt for the pain
> I caused myself, him, his wife, and potentially could have caused both
> our children. I hurt because I greyed right and wrong so badly and
> because I still do on some level because I still love him and want
> him. Ihurt because I broke commandments and what was right between me
> and my God. I really really cannot believe how much that has been
> missed. But, when you attack someone they defend themselves, even if
> they know they were wrong. What I did/am doing is not justifiable, but
> it is explainable. But, if nobody is trying to understand, there is no
> reason in my trying to explain.


Well, i'm not attacking you; i don't think it's good to love someone
who is already committed to someone else.  You know, that happened
to a friend of mine -- it was extremely painful.  She would come to
my place and cry for months.   She was in agony. The guy, to his
credit,
did not allow the affair to proceed, and after a couple of years she
found someone else.  I think the STDs are irrelevant, imho.

Erin