Re: A woman who dated a married man

> Look "woman who dated a married man", =A0(dated?) anyway, look,
> we all have our limitations, talents and abilities. =A0Some people like
> to
> stay away from exciting love affairs, for a number of reasons. =A0It's
> your choice to do so, but you are asking for help so, that's why
> you're
> getting different replies from different perspectives. =A0If you wer
> happy
> with your life choices, you would not be here.
>
> Erin

I am not happy with the fact that I hurt people so badly or I made
decisions that go so strongly against what I believe to be right and
true. Yet people have drug information out of me, and held it against
me vs. looking at the issue that brought me here in the first place.
They have torn me apart for having illnesses. Like somehow I deserve
them for my actions. They have stooped as low as to call me a "whore"
and suggest that MM may be gay or having multiple affairs, which I
know to be just not true. Sometimes people are busy enough and in
contact with someone enough, it just wouldn't be humanly possible for
them to be seeing someone else. Because I made bad decisions in some
areas, that doesn't make me dumb or naive.

I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have or with the right person
at the wrong time in both of our lives. But this doesn't change the
fact that I love him. Unfortunately, I do love him. Folks here also
don't realize that when you attack someone they just defend their
actions. As imperfect as I am, I am light years ahead of most of the
folks here when it comes to understanding human behavior and emotional
maturity. The flipside is, I am just as human as anyone. But, I am not
as vulnerable, my self esteem is intact, though I struggle daily with
my actions. If folks want to continue to attack, I will continue to
defend, but if they want to have a discussion, I could and would do
that too.

I continue in less frequent pastoral counseling and in counseling with
a professional counselor to try to write as much as I can inside of me
emotionally and religiously. I don't talk to MM and I don't see him
and I don't have physical contact with him anymore, because this is as
much as he and I are both capable of doing right at this point in
time. No, kudos for stopping the affair because it was the right thing
to do, though. And since he is living at home, I am not a homewrecker,
I could have taken his home apart, had I chosen to, but I didn't.
Though much is weakened, he is still able to live there and have a
somewhat normal life.

I have decreased the frequency with which I cry over this issue though
as I am getting healthier and getting on with life. Though you choose
to attack me for reaching, dating, and trying to have a life without
the married man, that is what the pastor and counselor recommend I do,
vs sitting at home stewing over MM (married man). So, tear away, I
will continue to do what is right for me and try to make a life out of
this mess.

And if you think I "like" an affair, like the drama, the pain, you are
so very wrong, VERY WRONG. I hurt for my choices, I hurt for the pain
I caused myself, him, his wife, and potentially could have caused both
our children. I hurt because I greyed right and wrong so badly and
because I still do on some level because I still love him and want
him. Ihurt because I broke commandments and what was right between me
and my God. I really really cannot believe how much that has been
missed. But, when you attack someone they defend themselves, even if
they know they were wrong. What I did/am doing is not justifiable, but
it is explainable. But, if nobody is trying to understand, there is no
reason in my trying to explain.