AllYou! wrote:
> "Erin" <squiggle@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
>
news:77b0f931-65e7-40e1-a7e1-edf5a2211935@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >
> >
> >Erin wrote:
> >> Vickie wrote:
> >> > On Dec 26, 2:37?pm, Erin <squig...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> >> > > Here is my New Year's Wish!
> >> > >
> >> > > I wish i wish i wish, and i hope with all my heart
> >> > >
> >> > > that I NEVER SEE MY HUSBAND AGAIN,
> >> > >
> >> > > whatever it takes.
> >> > >
> >> > > Please *********** stay where you are and never
> >> > > come back. ?That would make me so happy and
> >> > > we would both be free.
> >> > >
> >> > > Erin
> >> >
> >> > I am not a p-doc or therapist, but it sounds as though you have
> >> > moved
> >> > from the mourning faze into the anger faze.
> >> > I wish I could tell you if you are moving forward or backward in
> >> > this. Hopefully forward.
> >> >
> >> > Vickie
> >>
> >>
> >> He just left. I wish it were not painful for me. But I do feel
> >> that if i don't see him, i will recover. I just can't believe
> >> he's done this to me. It's so unlike him, and he could have
> >> asked me to go with him-- i am his wife. Don't husbands
> >> spend the holidays travelling with their wife and their family?
> >> It's so weird and painful at the same time. At least if his
> >> dr. had said something to me -- like, he's got cancer, you're
> >> going to die soon, he has to split from you, but nothing,
> >> nothing from nobody. And from him, gifts and presents and
> >> promises and hopes to reunite and that he loves me and
> >> always will.
> >>
> >> So, i have a communication problem coming from THEM,
> >> not from me. I am willing to accept an unconditional,
> >> firm statement. They are the ones who are either silent,
> >> vacillating or more confused than I am. At least,
> >> I can say, yes i love hiim and I want him to be my
> >> husband as he was before this med-crackdown or
> >> head injury he had, ba****ng his brains out on the
> >> floor over and over again. MRI? No way. But his
> >> uncle who is a nurse said he should have one.
> >>
> >> Erin
> >
> >And here is something that the dr. should have
> >considered worthy of notice: he not only had social
> >problems, after the med withdrawal and head banging,
> >he had
> >
> >- memory lapses
> >- sleep cycle disturbances
> >- coma-like fugues
> >- irritability
> >- weight loss
> >- mania
> >- confusion
> >- anxiety
> >- suicide attempts (hanging)
> >
> >
> >I mean, it wasn't *just* an attraction that
> >was the change in his character.
> >
> >This is why I insisted that he see a psychiatrist.
> >Instead he went to a therapist for relation****p
> >conflicts, who did him no good at all, except from
> >a palliative point of view.
> >
> >Erin
>
> I have no idea how you became so obsessed with doctors, or your DH's
> doctors, but it's a bit freaky, IMO.
>
> His doctor isn't there to help you. His doctor isn't there to advise
> you. His doctor isn't there to talk to you about your DH. His doctor
> isn't perfect either, and may not even be there for your DH for all
> that you think he should be.
>
> What goes on between his doctor and him is for him, and for him alone,
> and his choice of doctors is for him, and for him alone.
>
> Nothing about your DH and his doctor was ever any of your business,
> and for you to keep hanging on to the notion that things would've gone
> better for you if only your DH's doctor had done this, or that, or the
> other thing is silly and ridiculous.
>
> In the end, your DH's behavior was up to him, and your behavior is up
> to you. And in the end, it was YOU who thought it was a good idea to
> give your DH a year to keep acting as he did. It was YOU who made all
> the excuses for why you'd keep enabling your DH to engage in an affair
> with another women. It was YOU who chose to accept lip service in
> exchange for a terrible life.
>
> And not only did YOU decide to behave that way, but you did so despite
> a whole lot of people telling you how bizarre and dumb that was. But,
> of course, only you know what is right for you, and so I'm not
> suggesting that you should've done what other people were telling you
> what to do. But I am suggesting that there's no way you can claim
> that it never occurred to you to consider another point of view.
> There's no way you can say, 'geeeeee, I didn't have any idea there was
> another way to handle this'.
>
> In the end, and despite being given a whole lot of alternatives to
> consider, it was YOU who chose to deal with this situation as you did.
> Take responsibility for that, and stop believing that doctors are the
> answer to your problems, especially when they're not even your
> doctors.
No AllYou! -- you don't know a lot of things -- when he had the
head banging incident and noose preparation, we went to the
doctors at ER. They checked his spine but not his head. His
uncle who is a nurse said they should have. He had a lot
cognitive impairment problems. Basically he had a lot of
medical problems with the his medication throughout our marriage.
But we were very happy. We were like brother and sister.
Everyone thought we were a well-matched couple and we never
fought. It was after the Serzone, the med withdrawal,
and the head banging incident (concussion?) that he
had a drastic personality change.
Now, you may say that it is his dr.'s responsibility
to look at those incidents. Yes. I guess it is.
But certainly those incidents were the start of
changes in his social life, his medical situation
(e.g. memory loss, fugue states, strange sleep
cycles, confusion, and depression). So, I guess
i have to live with that, and/or let it go. But had
I the power, I would recommend that he see a
neurologist or psychiatrist for concussion.
Anyway, not much i can do -- it's just a shame.
Happy New Year to you
Erin
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