On Sep 3, 7:37=A0pm, Daniel <deltaechom...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> It does not seem possible that it has been three years since my father
> lost his brief, brave fight with cancer. =A0There was a soft-tissue
> tumor on the liver, with metastases to bone and lung and probably
> elsewhere before he had a diagnosis. =A0We barely had time to start to
> fight, and it was over. =A0He barely had time to realize this was going
> to be the one that got him. =A0
>
> In her wonderful novel, "Momento Mori"(1959), Scottish author Muriel
> Spark brings up the question of historical characters. =A0Before the age
> of daily newspapers (and sometimes even after that) we often know of a
> famous person only the year they died. =A0No cir***stances. =A0We go
> through so many years of school (or at least we used to -- I'm getting
> old, so that must have been "old school"!) memorizing dates. =A0I'm told
> the children in England used to have to memorize the names and dates
> of reign of all the English monarchs. =A0"Edward III, d. 1377" -- Muriel
> Spark asks, "What did they die...of?" =A0History is so often silent on
> the ends of the greats. =A0Unless they took an arrow through the eye at
> the battle of Agincourt or some such. =A0
>
> But for us, the parents and sons and daughters and friends of great
> people who (I'm assuming) were not famous, the details of the ends are
> carved deeply into memory -- so deeply no amount of abrasive living in
> the uncaring world can erase them. =A0
>
> For those we love, we know what they were sick, what they died, of.
> Slowly or suddenly. =A0In what place and at what time. =A0These were
huge
> happenings in a small -- i.e., personal -- way. =A0Not historical beyond
> a small circle and within a small number of generations, these losses
> nevertheless are bigger than Armistice Day, bigger than any number of
> National or Hallmark Holidays in our own personal way of observance. =A0
>
> Say our sun really is the center of the space-time continuum. =A0Say
> when a loved one dies, a huge cloud of grief is emitted around the
> planet. =A0It lingers there in space, a nebula of recollection and
> emotion. =A0Every year our little planet swirls back around and smacks
> back into that same cloud. =A0Oh, not everyone notices. =A0Very personal
> grief-pheromones and emotion-scents linger and are only picked up by
> the persons involved. =A0That's what Sadiversaries are like. =A0
>
> So I'm back in the nebula of September 4, 2005, once again. =A0"Dad's
> heart just stopped last night. =A0They say he was not in pain." =A0I had
> his durable power of attorney for health care. =A0I was the one that
> signed the do not resuscitate form. =A0I was the one that ok'd upping
> the morphine drip. =A0So I guess . . . I'm the one responsible for him
> not being in pain. =A0
>
> He waited until nobody was there. =A0I think he knew in spite of the
> drugs and all. =A0There are ways of nerves and Body+Mind -- and then
> there are spirit ways of knowing, too, don't you think? =A0
>
> Anyway. =A0"Celebrating" another sadiversary. =A0Tomorrow I will
celebrat=
e
> by doing what Dad did for so many years -- get up and go to work. =A0The
> older I get the more I admire him for that. =A0
>
> Peace and love to all of you,
> --
> Daniel =A0( deltaechom...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
)
Daniel,
You are so eloquent in your description of personal grief. My father
died two years ago and I was by his bedside. It is all so hard. My
father used to tell a story of when he was about 16 and going through
that rebellious stage and his father would kick him out of the house.
His mother would come out looking for him with a lantern in hand, and
call his name. This was back in the day in Italy. He loved his
mother... and she died when he was only 17. When my father was on his
death bed, I held his hand and said " O.K. now... look for that
lantern, your mom is looking for you, she is coming to get you". My
husband and I witnessed a single tear doing down his face, and shortly
after he died.
Just yesterday I was talking to my son about James' death, and how
people forget, and we are expected to move on, and how people think it
is maudlin to keep thinking about his death..... but like your
thoughts about famous people, I said to him.... why do people flock
on Elvis's anniversary, or Martin Luther KIng, is that maudlin. Our
child was "famous to us" the world to us, and not even friends or
relatives give any sign of remembering. It is an upside down world,
where monuments are built for famous people, yet if we have a place in
our home with pictures and mementoes of our dead child, or parent, it
is considered maudlin, or not moving on.
Like your father Daniel, my father got up each day, even in extreme
sickness, shaved, dressed properly, looked out at his vegetable
garden, and never gave up, and like you I admired him for that.
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