On Sat, 30 Aug 2008 17:17:11 -0700 (PDT), Bev
<bebelestrnge0721@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>Hello,
>
>I am feeling lost. Mom was very sick for many years. She fought back
>from a near death experience just a year and a half ago. I was able to
>be with her then in the hospice we took her to. We were told she would
>suffer if we had kept her at my sister house. I spent a good 5-6
>months in Texas back then helping my sis care for mom. She got well
>enough to go back home to my sis's house and I came back home. I never
>got to see mom again.
Oh, Bev. I am so sorry about your loss of your mom. You are a good
daughter.
No matter how long the final battle lasts, and no matter how much we
tell ourselves we know the end is coming, the news of the end is till
so painful. All those things people say -- "end of her suffering", "a
good life", "for the best" -- make no sense, offer no real aid,
because what we want is to have her *back*! I'm sorry.
>She had heart disease, lung disease and
>diabetes. Apparently she had severe osteo****osis too. About 2 weeks
>ago sis took mom to the hospital with severe back pain, Turns out she
>has several "old" compression fractures due to how brittle her bones
>in her spine were. Morphine was not even ending the pain for longer
>than a couple hours. Once the medicare kicked her out of the hospital
>she was moved to a rehabilitation center { nursing home} . The doc
>there prescribed a fentanyl patch of 25 mcg. and oral vicoden. This
>did not do much more than have her sleeping a lot she had some good
>moments. The pain still broke through and on the 27th she was
>administered a 75 mcg. patch of Fentanyl and by 1 a.m. that same
>morning she was rushed from the nursing home to the hospital her blood
>pressure bottomed out. The patch was immediately removed. The doctor
>said in order to keep mom from heart failure they had to put her in a
>level of renal failure. So she was being given intravenous fluids and
>lasix. By 11:30 that morning The 28th mom was in terrible pain, the
>doctor asked her if she was sure she wanted a shot for pain that it
>could supress her respiratory system too much. At the same time they
>had catheritized her and only blood came from her bladder, she was in
>renal failure. Mom said "I have had enough I can't do this anymore I
>want the shot". She fell asleep and slept several hours. My sis called
>me and said her lunch ws still sitting there , I asked her to wake mom
>and ask her if she wanted it. She awoke long enough to decline in her
>way "I don't want that s***. The nurse came in about 15 minutes later
>and took vitals and that was when we all realized she was going to
>die. There was no bottom number for a blood pressure at about 4 p.m.
>by 8:08 p.m. mom was gone. I never got to talk to her on the phone the
>last week of her life, she told sis she didn't want any calls from
>anyone. The night before she died I asked my sis to ask her again if
>we could call her, she was never conscious enough to ask her. She's
>gone and I have this void inside my soul. Her wishes were to be
>cremated in Texas. I live in Pennsylvania, I'll never see her again.
>This is devastating.
>
>Bev
My father lost his battle with cancer three years ago. I *still*
accuse myself of not having done enough. When I'm done ha****ng out
again in my mind all the details of his care during the final weeks, I
can always go back to earlier -- to Spring of that year when he
complained of pain, or the previous year when the physical therapy for
his hip pain did not seem to be doing any good: Oh, why didn't I make
him go to the doctor / see a new doctor / whatever??? But in the
final analysis, you know what? I did all I could with what I had at
the time. So did Dad. Cancer won. No matter what we could have
done.
I mention all that by way of trying kindly to ask you to be gentle
with yourself. Somehow I think your mom would cut you some slack.
But for now, you are left with the void. Yes, it is devastating. I'm
sorry.
Please try to take care of yourself.
Peace,
--
Daniel ( deltaechomike@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
)
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