On Aug 6, 7:42 pm, Bev <bebelestrnge0...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> Hey,
>
> wondering if anyone has had experience with a good group for
> caregivers of the terminally ill?
>
> Thanks in advance,
>
> Bev
Bev:
Yes I have. My Dad suffered with cancer back in 2001 - I took care of
him. In January of 2002 we got hospice. Dad wanted to stay in his home
and they came once a day and was so wonderful to him about everything
and so great to me. They were available 24 hours a day for me to talk
to them by phone. If his pain increased they would bring - even if at
2am a stronger RX for him and explain everything to us. They respected
our Father daughter relation****p and bathed him because even though I
would have done anything for my Dad - to him I was always his little
girl and it wasn't appropriate. After he died - I couldn't call anyone
- I was with him and was holding his hand when he died - he was so
peaceful and truly I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I actually
waited about 6 hours before I called them to re****t that he died. I
got to sit with him and continue to talk to him after he died and tell
him how much I loved him and able to just be with him and kiss him
goodbye. As horrible as it is to lose your Dad or anyone to death that
you love. We had a very unique op****tunity - we talked about
everything - we shared everything. Everything that we wanted to say to
each other we did have the time to say it all. I know dying of an
illness and knowing it is coming is very hard - I was very lucky that
they provided the pain medication to take care of his pain all the
time. It wasn't until 3 days before he died that he really truly had
horrible pain. That was so hard for me to watch and being my Dad - he
still tried to fake it it for me his little girl. Once I called them
and I was really honest with them as to when he died and that I needed
that time alone with him. They understood. Immediately they came out
and took the body and I couldn't watch him be brought out of his house
- covered up from head to toe. They left a beautiful fake rose for me
on his empty bed after they took him away. I still have it.What I
hadn't expected is that this did not end with his death. I was called
and checked on and invited to grief groups and even a grief counselor
came to my home - one on one and totally free. I might add that
Hospice is FREE. Once they have the case - they provide everything.
They brought a hospital bed in - they provided all medicines including
pain medication. I didn't have to call in the middle of the night to
his doctor or wait until morning. They just took over and every single
person was truly amazing and caring and understanding - both to Dad
and to me. Hospice isn't just for cancer patients but any terminal
patients. You get them by asking the actual doctor to add hospice - he
is the one that calls and sets it up. Normally the idea is that
Hospice comes in when it's the last 6 months of someones life. Even if
the person lasts a couple years - Hospice stays with them. My Daddy
and we started in January only lasted until March 23rd, 2002. The last
days were very tough and when he was in pain - I knew he was holding
on just for my sake. As much as I wanted him to live, I wanted him to
be free of pain, etc. He would not go until I held him and told him I
would be okay and always love him but he has to go to the light. I
told him with tears in my eyes I swore I would be okay and he had to
go to the light. Amazingly, during the last day or so he was awake and
then not actually asleep but was talking to his Mom and his Dad and
his brother who had passed 6 months earlier. I swear - I don't believe
that he was seeing things from medication or pain. I believe they were
waiting for him and he was both her and there at the same time. I
swear! When I told him to go to the light - he said he could see the
light already but he didn't want me to be sad. Daddy hated for me to
ever cry. He has said he had seen the light everywhere for days. I had
to talk so much to him and promise and swear and almost demand him to
go to the light. He told me "Well Baby" (Always he called me that and
I was 43 years old.) Your old Dad is stronger than you think. I told
him I always knew he is the strongest person I ever knew and that it
was his love alone that had taught me what unconditional love was. I
truly believe that if I had told him - "no don't go - I can't live
without you yet - I can't handle it" He might still be here. That is
how much my Daddy loves me. My Dad at the end - he had bone cancer in
literally every single bone in his body. He had stomach, liver and
other organ cancer. The last pet scan or full body ex-ray thing they
did of him which had been 6 weeks earlier. It lit up like a Christmas
tree - The doctors words. What I saw was that every single thing I saw
was bright white. His entire bones on the ex-ray were all the bright
light white - which meant cancer had taken everything. He even walked
until 3 days before he died. The doctors said they could not see how
he was alive 6 weeks before he died. Hospice even kept in contact with
me for over the one year memorial anniversary. They sent some great
information on what to expect in grieving. There is not a finer, most
caring, loving place on the face of the planet. I really am thankful
that we said everything to each other. When my son died suddenly and
without a clue he had a problem - he killed himself. So many words not
said - no goodbyes - no closure. My son died Thanksgiving 2005. I have
to tell you that if my son had to die - I would have so preferred
knowing he was going because I am haunted by all that was not said. I
love my Dad - but honestly half of me died when Josh died - the best
part of me. However, part of Josh also stays within me. I will never
ever be the same.
Sorry so lengthy - So in answer to your question - HOSPICE is what you
need. They can take care of the patient and the family whether your
loved one is in the hospital, nursing home or at home. They come out
every day and give you instructions etc and answers. You can call and
they will come out 20 times a day if you need them. If your loved one
wants to die at home - they will make it possible and provide
everything medically.
Lynn - I am my Fathers Daughter
Josh's Mom
5-25-1978 to 11-25-2005
he flew to New Zealand and jumped off the 14th floor of a parking
garage
Love is Stronger than Death!!!!
|
