Bev, you can't have guilt feelings for wanting her out of her pain, in fact
I think that's a purely unselfish act on your part. It hurts to see those
we care about hurting so much. My sister died from cancer 26 years ago
and
I watched her lie there in agonizing pain to the point of just wanting her
to go and be free from all the pain she was in. It's not wrong honey,
it's
humane and loving. I'm here if you need to talk anytime OK? If I were
closer to you I would help in other ways to help you through this.
--
Daisy
"Bev" <bebelestrnge0721@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
news:29006e2b-26ec-4028-a847-07806cff01ad@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Hello Daisy, It's been a while. Thanks for responding to my post, it
> helps to know someone is willing to listen. I know I am certainly not
> the only one to have or is going through so much for so long. This
> time around I am blind sided by my emotions so much. I mean, I have
> known for so long the time would come that Dawn (sister) would need me
> more and we talked many times about what she needs from me when the
> time comes. I find myself to be scared of her death. I thought I was
> stronger than this. I was able to stand up and deal with anything my
> fathers death and Gayles death meant I'd have to do. They both went
> peacefully after being in a comatose state. My sister has been dying
> for 20 years for me. I have watched her change both physically and
> mentally. The person she has become is very sick and twisted. Her
> brain is not right. She can be downright mean. Her nastiness is making
> it quite hard to spend time with. I am all she has. She has begged me
> in her weakest moments to make sure she does not die a painful death.
> I will see to it she does not, no one should have to. Some of the
> things my sister has done to me over the years hurt pretty bad, but I
> forgive her. I love her way beyond the abuse I must subject myself to
> in caring for her. She may get out of the hospital today, if she does,
> I will be leaving my family once again as I did for months when our
> mother was very ill. I know my family will be ok without me,and this
> time i'll only be an hour away and not half way across the map. I will
> be able to go home if need be any time. I have no idea how long Dawn
> will continue to be well, every pnuemonia feels like it is the end and
> she pulls back out and keeps on going thus nicknamed the energizer
> bunny. My sister abuses her medication, opiates and benzos. She nods
> out with cigarettes and burns things(my just paid for sofa) :-( or
> nods out in a plate of food. She can not be left alone. She walks
> around in a stu**** stealing things (like my gold jewelry) My family
> does not understand why I just take the stuff she steals back and
> forgive her. She is up all hours of the night crying begging Jesus to
> take her. I am trying to round up help so as to have a break on
> occasion, there is no way I can do this alone. I have opted to try and
> quit smoking with her in hopes to eliminate the fire hazard. Probably
> the worst time to try and quit, we both have the patch. I believe she
> will want cigarettes as soon as she gets out of the hospital and that
> will be the end of that. If so we will be back in the hospital once
> more with her heart and lung issues. How do you tell a dying person
> they cant smoke? Her attitude is why bother, I can't say different,
> she is the one dying. I probably wont talk much more here about this
> part of what I am going through. Sometimes I just wish for her to be
> out of her misery. I have some guilt issues going on for thinking that
> way. I guess I will end this now so I can get ready to head out to the
> hospital.
>
> Bev
>
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