On Jul 31, 2:55 am, MelMenzies <aut...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> On Jul 30, 5:58 am, NotYet1121 <NotYet1...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>
>
>
> > On Jul 27, 11:28 pm, hppyhe...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
(hppy heart) wrote:
>
> > > Some things about grief...
>
> > > is that it comes when it wants to, as if it was an invited and
honore=
d
> > > guest. It's entrance is like a haughty debutante.
>
> > > is that it comes like a sneak thief without warning to take what it
> > > pleases. It has had it's sites on us and we can't always do
anything=
to
> > > stop it.
>
> > > is that it usually is about death, but that it also is about so many
> > > other things. A loss is a loss and non-death losses can be life
> > > altering and recycle themselves over and over. They don't diminish
> > > anyone elses death losses.
>
> > > is that the loss of other things (not material things), especially
wh=
en
> > > compounded by a death don't really make us hurt worse but rather
> > > interfere with the other grief and makes it harder to live or
survive
> > > with.
>
> > > is that grief has the strongest memory.
>
> > > The losses I've had have all hurt, with some still hurting in ways
to=
o
> > > numerous to number. Two in particular, which are related in ways
odd=
to
> > > others, but im****tant to me have been the worst for me. They took
pl=
ace
> > > 20 years apart and each can at times make me as emotional as the day
> > > they ocurred. The more recent one, almost 6 years ago ocurred on
the
> > > heels of 3 other deaths in the same year and also had other grief
iss=
ues
> > > tied to it which felt as profound as death for me. The amount of
pai=
n
> > > sometimes seems so unbearable yet I survive it. I don't understand
i=
t,
> > > yet on another level I do.
>
> > > Many things dredge up that which has sunk to the depths of grief,
wor=
ds
> > > or behaviors of others, certain dates, news stories, a sound, a
song.=
...
> > > and the pain feels fresh all over again. For me one of the recent
> > > things has been a "friend" whose daughter died. She and her husband
> > > have avoided talking to me or really anyone else from what I've
heard=
..
> > > My condolence card was left unopened and unread, my emails have been
> > > ignored. After months of this I don't know what to think about our
o=
ld
> > > "friend****p" but the worst part is that it has dredged up and added
t=
o
> > > the pain. Here is not one, but two losses... one from death, one
not=
,
> > > but very painful. I know its selfish... but none the less painful.
>
> > > I've tried to be patient, but have worried about the well-being of
> > > someone I called a friend who seems unable to even acknowledge her
gr=
ief
> > > by not acknowledging her "friends" who would dearly love to sup****t
h=
er
> > > in anyway she asks. If she doesn't want to talk about her daughter,
> > > fine... thats in her own time. Some of my grief has stayed with me
> > > because people -didn't- want to talk about who I lost.
>
> > > I don't know what to think, or do, or feel - anything but hurt, and
> > > sometimes anger.
>
> > > I am not asking for advice.... just venting how I feel about all
this
> > > crazy pain. It's the only way I have to deal with it. As has been
s=
aid
> > > before on this board.... people sometimes just don't know what to
say=
..
>
> > To All:
>
> > I agree that no one's pain is worse than anothers. I am sorry if I
> > sounded that way. I just know that losing my son is the worst possible
> > thing in the world and is unlike all the other real pain from losing
> > other people I love. I do not mean to minimize anyone's grief. For
> > truly each loss of someone that you love is unique and we all grieve
> > differently and yet the same. Love is Stronger than Death!
>
> > Josh's Mom
>
> Dear Josh's Mum,
>
> What I wrote was not in any way a 'ticking off' anyone comparing their
> pain with anyone else's. So you have no need to apologise. On the
> contrary, I was simply sharing some thoughts aloud, and realised, as I
> wrote, that we all tend to compare our loss with that of others. It's
> human nature to think that no one can possibly comprehend My Pain -
> because it's worse than anything anyone else has ever experienced.
>
> Of course it is. It's worse because it's Mine. And that makes it the
> ONLY pain that I can feel this deeply.
>
> But what I was wondering was, does it actually help me to make this
> comparison? Yes, it's human nature to do so. But perhaps I might
> find my pain more bearable if I turned it round the other way and
> though - this is how other people feel too. What can I do to use my
> experience to help others. And that, my friends, is what we're doing
> here, isn't it? Helping each other. Hugging each other.
>
> Interestingly, the Arthritis Care people have just e-mailed me about
> Challenging physical pain. It says it's a drug free way of managing
> pain, and that it's really working. Sounds to me very similar to what
> I'm trying to say about emotional pain. Here's what it says:
>
> What is Challenging Pain?
> The Challenging Pain course is run by specially trained volunteers who
> have experience of chronic pain. Together, they help participants
> work through specially designed exercises that give people tools to
> manage their pain and help work their way towards creating a better
> quality of life.
> When people start the Challenging Pain course they set a long-term
> goal, something they would like to do but can=92t do at the moment. It
> can be something simple but essential - like walking to the shop - or
> a big life change like returning to work.
>
> I'll see if I can find out more and whether it's helpful to us.
> Love to all, Melwww.melmenzies.co.uk
Mel:
For me, I believe I always had great compassion for others. However,
since my son died, I believe that I have so much more empathy,
sympathy, compassion, and tears for those who are grieving. It's like
we all have this super vision when we look across the room into
other's eyes and we can see the pain and the hurt and the grief where
maybe they had a mask on and many couldn't see. In a strange way it is
like immediately feeling like you have a sister or a brother when we
see that pain and we understand that we are the ones to comfort all
the others that are also going through this journey of grief. Yes it
helps to share and talk and we benefit and they help us but it truly
helps me to help others. It doesn't make any difference if the pain is
due to someone whose Mom died or Dad died or husband died or child
died or best friend died. It is the fact that the person is grieving
because they lost a true loved one to death. You asked if it would
help you to make the comparison as to comparing others pain to yours.
Actually I don't think that is human nature - I do think it is a
recognition that the pain is real, yet unique to each one of us. I
think in our hearts we just want to comfort and be there for the other
person in pain. I think this because we are so acutely aware that this
pain is so horrific.
Josh's Mom
5-25-1978 to 11-25-2005 27 years old and 6 months almost to the
minute of his death.
jumped from the 14th floor of a parking garage
My heart, my soul
Love is Stronger than Death! www.JoshuaGoddard.com He made his
own website 6 months before he
died. It is
about his life, not his death.
He had no
signs of depression or mental
illness. He
paid for this site until 2012.
I think all
the problems, all at
once,were
the"PERFECT
STORM". No one saw any signs.
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