On Jul 27, 11:28 pm, hppyhe...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
(hppy heart) wrote:
> Some things about grief...
>
> is that it comes when it wants to, as if it was an invited and honored
> guest. It's entrance is like a haughty debutante.
>
> is that it comes like a sneak thief without warning to take what it
> pleases. It has had it's sites on us and we can't always do anything to
> stop it.
>
> is that it usually is about death, but that it also is about so many
> other things. A loss is a loss and non-death losses can be life
> altering and recycle themselves over and over. They don't diminish
> anyone elses death losses.
>
> is that the loss of other things (not material things), especially when
> compounded by a death don't really make us hurt worse but rather
> interfere with the other grief and makes it harder to live or survive
> with.
>
> is that grief has the strongest memory.
>
> The losses I've had have all hurt, with some still hurting in ways too
> numerous to number. Two in particular, which are related in ways odd to
> others, but im****tant to me have been the worst for me. They took place
> 20 years apart and each can at times make me as emotional as the day
> they ocurred. The more recent one, almost 6 years ago ocurred on the
> heels of 3 other deaths in the same year and also had other grief issues
> tied to it which felt as profound as death for me. The amount of pain
> sometimes seems so unbearable yet I survive it. I don't understand it,
> yet on another level I do.
>
> Many things dredge up that which has sunk to the depths of grief, words
> or behaviors of others, certain dates, news stories, a sound, a song...
> and the pain feels fresh all over again. For me one of the recent
> things has been a "friend" whose daughter died. She and her husband
> have avoided talking to me or really anyone else from what I've heard.
> My condolence card was left unopened and unread, my emails have been
> ignored. After months of this I don't know what to think about our old
> "friend****p" but the worst part is that it has dredged up and added to
> the pain. Here is not one, but two losses... one from death, one not,
> but very painful. I know its selfish... but none the less painful.
>
> I've tried to be patient, but have worried about the well-being of
> someone I called a friend who seems unable to even acknowledge her grief
> by not acknowledging her "friends" who would dearly love to sup****t her
> in anyway she asks. If she doesn't want to talk about her daughter,
> fine... thats in her own time. Some of my grief has stayed with me
> because people -didn't- want to talk about who I lost.
>
> I don't know what to think, or do, or feel - anything but hurt, and
> sometimes anger.
>
> I am not asking for advice.... just venting how I feel about all this
> crazy pain. It's the only way I have to deal with it. As has been said
> before on this board.... people sometimes just don't know what to say.
To All:
I agree that no one's pain is worse than anothers. I am sorry if I
sounded that way. I just know that losing my son is the worst possible
thing in the world and is unlike all the other real pain from losing
other people I love. I do not mean to minimize anyone's grief. For
truly each loss of someone that you love is unique and we all grieve
differently and yet the same. Love is Stronger than Death!
Josh's Mom
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