I want to be able to talk about the option of suicide freely. I tried
once in April 2004. It was a very lame attempt. 30 klonopin and a liter
+ bottle of wine. I know, so lame! The doctors pointed their fingers
and denounced me as an ALCHOLIC!
Yes, Yes I am. And even when I quit drinking for months and months at a
time and with psychotropic meds, I still want to end it.
I'm 39. I have no family. No significant other. I've been hospitalized
three times for depression (and my friends are kind of pissed off so
now I only have social workers to rely on if I get depressed again).
This Thanksgiving/Christmas will be the third holiday season in a row
I've been alone. I have no job. Everyone other than Social Security
thinks I'm crazy.
I really see no reason to go on. If I kill myself, I'll be a burden to
a couple of friends for two weeks tops. Yes, I love my pets DEARLY
(three cats) but my love for them is being over ridden by my desire to
kill myself.
I've "stock piled" klonopin. By next month I'll have 90. I'm thinking
of wine again (only because anything else will cause me to puke) BUT a
plastic bag and a rubber band. What do you guys think?
