1. Thema says the quotes in the article were completely fabricated.
2. I now fully believe her.
3 The three women quoted are not able to carry a pregnancy to term.
4. The pretense that it's all about vanity for these three women is
false.
I honestly hope the UK courts make The Daily Mail
pay a severe monetary penalty for this,
What were the goals of the authors in FABRICATING
all of these quotes?
What's up with Diana Appleyard and Sadie Nicholas?
Was this an attempt to sell ADOPTION that backfired?
Thema, Please get well and good luck suing The Daily Mail!
The article in question is as dishonest as the garbage
Child Protection caseworkers write in re****ts used
to remove children and self justify their jobs.
Is that why Diana Appleyard and Sadie Nicholas LIED?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1083090/How-women-afraid-losing-careers-figures-they're-CHOOSING-adoption-childbirth.html
How women are so afraid of losing their careers or their figures
they're choosing adoption over childbirth
By Diana Appleyard and Sadie Nicholas
05th November 2008
For most women, giving birth is the most fulfilling event in their
lives. But some are so fearful of missing out on their careers or
losing their figures that they're refusing to go through pregnancy,
choosing adoption instead. Practical... or just plain selfish?
When Katharine Parker and her husband announced they were going to
start a family, their parents could have been forgiven for expecting
to hear some time soon after that Katharine was pregnant.
In fact, the 31-year-old public relations executive from Rothwell,
Northampton****re, had something else in mind.
'I never wanted to give birth,' she says. 'I once watched a birthing
video with a pregnant friend and it filled me with horror. I find
babies a little frightening, although I know that sounds strange.'
There was also, as she sees it, the rather large obstacle of her
blossoming career.
'My career is im****tant to me, and I simply can't imagine having the
time to be pregnant and give birth,' she says, making it plain that
having a baby would be an inconvenience she would not be prepared to
countenance.
Instead, Katharine chose to do what an increasing number of hard-
working, career-orientated, British women are doing - she adopted.
Twice in fact. May is seven and Alexander is six.
Katharine, who admits to being 'phobic' about giving birth, has no
regrets about her unconventional choices.
In a society in which women are determined to compete on an equal
basis with men, it should perhaps come as no surprise that, for some,
the inconvenience, stress and pain of pregnancy and childbirth are
being eradicated from the process of having a family.
Last week, the American actress Katherine Heigl, 29, star of TV's
Grey's Anatomy, said: 'I'm finished with the whole idea of having
children of my own. It doesn't seem like any fun. I don't think it's
necessary to go through all that.'
She went on to admit that she is planning to adopt a child instead,
and that filming a gruesome birthing scene for a film had reinforced
her desire never to have children of her own.
It seems Katharine Parker is far from alone in making the decision to
turn her back on the traditional route to motherhood.
Edwina Langley, a 44-year-old education worker from Telford,
Shrop****re, was on the wrong side of 30 and unmarried when the sound
of her biological clock became impossible to ignore.
She turned her back on nature and chose to adopt instead. Her adopted
daughter, Laura, is now eight.
'The thought of being pregnant makes me feel very weird,' says
Edwina,
who adopted Laura seven years ago.
'My sister had a traumatic time having her son and I thought at the
time: "Why would you want to go through that?"
'I am not fanatical about my appearance, but I would not like to be
pregnant. To me, it is less about looking fat than the medical side
of
it, actually being pregnant and giving birth. I'm not vain, but I do
feel pregnancy would be an invasion.'
So, for Edwina and Katharine, adoption - once pursued as a last
resort
by women who had failed to conceive biological children - became a
lifestyle choice.
'I was never a baby kind of person,' says Katharine. 'As a young
woman, I never found myself drawn towards babies.
If friends brought them into work and everyone else was cooing over
them, I'd be the one going off to make the coffee.
'I am quite slim, so yes, a lot of it is pure vanity. I don't like
the
thought of changing my body for a child. Giving birth and the idea of
all that pain filled me with dread.'
But after she married six years ago, the subject of having babies was
inevitably discussed.
'My husband and I started talking about having children. He was
enthusiastic and had always wanted to be a father. I said I was
interested, but even then I was feeling phobic about it,' she says.
'My GP said I was perfectly capable of conceiving and giving birth,
but I felt squeamish about it. I just can't imagine giving birth
naturally.'
So Katharine's name was put down with Leicester****re social services
for an adoption course, which she says made her feel 'tremendously
relieved'.
'I knew that if I took that route, I wouldn't have to go through the
rigmarole of giving birth. Adoption seemed a much simpler option,
especially as I didn't necessarily want an infant,' she says.
Social services, who are usually inundated with requests for babies,
were delighted to find a couple willing to take two older children.
'Most people want babies,' says Katharine. 'But there simply aren't
many babies to adopt, so they were pleased when I said I would take a
child, or children, up to the age of three. I hadn't been fussed
about
my nieces and nephews when they were babies, but became interested
once they could interact at the age of two or three.
'We went through about a year and a half of exhaustive
investigations,
home visits and a series of courses. Yet even though that was tiring,
I was so much happier adopting than giving birth.'
Eventually, Katharine was sent a letter containing photographs of
May,
then three, and her brother Alexander, then 18 months.
Their parents, who were barely 16 when May was born, had struggled,
and when Alexander was three months old, both were put into foster
care.
'I instantly warmed to them when we visited them in their foster
home,' says Katharine.
'Their foster father was a pastor and he'd told May to pray to have a
new mummy - and the moment I walked into their house she came up to
me
and said: "Hello, mummy!"
'We had prepared our home for them, decorating two bedrooms and
filling them with toys, books and cuddly toys.'
The irony was - as Katharine soon discovered - that adopting two
children from a broken home was as much hard work as giving birth to
a
child of her own - if not more.
In the end she was forced to take two years off work; exactly what
she
had sought to avoid by not getting pregnant.
'Nothing prepares you for the impact of two incredibly lively
children,' says Katharine.
'They were like mini whirlwinds, and woke at 5am every day. The first
time my social worker came to visit us she said "You look absolutely
exhausted" - and I was.
'We were determined to be the best parents possible, but with
adopting, one moment you don't have children, the next you do.
'So many things were hard - the first time we took them to a
supermarket they just screamed. They had no idea how to behave.
'They have their own "life story" books with photos and they have
written contact with their natural parents and extended family, who
send them letters and gifts.
'I am prepared for them wanting to meet their natural parents - it
will be hard, but it is up to them.
'We celebrate their "adoption day" every December, have a cake and
blow out the candles.'
For all Katharine's enthusiasm for having adopted children, their
arrival had a catastrophic effect on her marriage, which collapsed
two
years later.
'Adopting the children certainly had an effect because it was
stressful, but then I think having children naturally puts a strain
on
your relation****p,' she says.
'We decided to separate, but he is still a good friend and a
committed
father to the children - they stay with him on Wednesdays and every
other weekend.'
And yet, despite the end of her marriage, Katharine has no regrets
about adopting.
'My children bring me so much joy and I wouldn't be without them. We
talk openly about them being adopted, and it's been tough at times,
but the joy outweighs the pain.
'I have no regrets about not having given birth naturally - I am
much,
much happier to have adopted and given a home to two children who had
such a tragic start in life, rather than go through the pain and
distress of giving birth.'
Lisa Beard-Rogers: I'm really pathetic about hospitals and anything
that involves pain or blood
Edwina Langley settled on adoption as the perfect way to start a
family.
'I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but I am also a career woman
and I spent most of my 20s and early 30s working hard at my job in
education,' she says.
'By the time I wanted to have a child - in my mid-30s - I was still
able to conceive naturally, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go
through all the traumas of morning sickness, labour and so on.
'Although at the time I wanted to have a child I was single, that had
no bearing on my desire not to carry my own child.
I considered artificial insemination or I could have waited for the
right man to come along, but the truth was that I didn't really want
to get pregnant.
'I didn't see why I should have to put my body through all that - and
adoption seemed a perfect solution.'
Having decided on her course of action, Edwina became a mother within
18 months.
'I talked to three agencies and decided to sign up with the local
authority. I was investigated stringently, as is only right,' she
says.
'I do have experience of looking after babies as I helped my sister
with her son, and we lived together at one point.
'Yet nothing can prepare you for the impact of having a child. My
life
was ordered, with my excellent career and a lovely home.
'I'd said I was happy to take a child up to the age of four, because
they prefer to give babies to couples, but Laura came to me at just
one.'
That was seven years ago and since then, Edwina has thrived in her
role as adoptive mother.
'The first few weeks were so scary because suddenly you have all this
responsibility,' she says.
'I know her full history and it has been a traumatic one. She has six
siblings she sees nearly every month - we all meet up in a restaurant
with their adoptive families. Laura's a bright girl and doing really
well at school.'
Success stories like this are helping adoption to become an
attractive
option to women who shy away from childbirth.
Lisa Beard-Rogers, a 34-year-old company director from Isham,
Northampton****re, pictured above, has launched herself into the
adoption process with her 27-year-old Army officer husband Simon.
'I have no desire to experience pregnancy or birth,' she says.
'Working for myself, I couldn't afford to let my business slide
because of pregnancy.
'It's not that it would be an inconvenience so much as I fear the
whole process.
'I'm really pathetic about hospitals and anything that involves pain
or blood. I wouldn't want to put myself through that.'
And yet, like Edwina and Katharine, Lisa insists she does have
maternal feelings.
'I adore children and Simon and I would love to have a family. We
aren't precious about needing to have a child who is biologically
ours; we just want to offer love and security to a child.
'At first, Simon wasn't too interested in having children, but as
we've got older we've both decided that's what we'd really like.'
It is clear, too, that she is racked by doubts over her decision not
to give birth naturally.
'If I accidentally fell pregnant, I would have to go through with it.
Even though I know I would find it enormously stressful, I just
couldn't have an abortion.
'I envy women, like my friends, who do go through pregnancy and birth
because I strongly feel it's such an amazing achievement to have a
child.
'I would dearly love to be able to say that I couldn't wait to get
pregnant. But internal examinations, blood tests and even the
possibility of having a caesarean just repulse me.'
And so the couple's only option is adoption.
'We are serious about pursuing adoption,' says Lisa. 'I think it's a
wonderful thing and we would dearly love to give a home to a child
who
really needs one.'
Thema Davis: It's the idea of nine months of hell that puts me off
the most
Thema Davis, a 29-year-old dance teacher and former model from
Birmingham, has also taken the first steps toward adopting a child
with her 39-year-old partner Ivan, a TV cameraman.
'I am so petrified about the idea of pregnancy and birth,' she says.
Her grandmother, who had ten children, suffered terribly with each
pregnancy.
'She had agonising births with each child,' says Thema. 'My mum had
the same experiences with me and my two older brothers. She also
suffered pre-eclampsia and nearly died giving birth to me.
'And I also worry that because my hips are narrow - just 33in at my
slimmest and around 36in now - I would struggle with childbirth. It's
the idea of nine months of hell while pregnant that puts me off the
most. I can't imagine my life coming to a complete halt the way my
mother's did.
'Of course, there are people who will sneer and say I should pull
myself together because I'd have a beautiful baby at the end of it.
'Ivan is sup****tive of my decision and sympathetic of my desire not
to
experience pregnancy.
'Part of me thinks that I would be denying him something special, his
own flesh and blood, but I just can't get past my abject fear of
pregnancy and birth.
'And I have a profound dread of the entire process which wouldn't be
cancelled out by the thought of the baby.
'What if pregnancy did end up being a complete nightmare instead of
something special?
'The trouble is that I absolutely love children.
Despite this morbid fear of pregnancy, I have a natural affinity with
children, so the idea of not being a mother has never been an option
for me.'
Adoption was an obvious option because Thema's aunt has fostered and
adopted more than 30 children.
'I've grown up around adopted children and have seen the sheer joy
they bring,' she says.
'I also know a lot about the process of adoption thanks to my aunt.
Ivan and I have already done some research into fostering or adopting
a child of our own.
'The adoption agency has done an initial inspection of our home and
has interviewed us. We know it will be at least two years before we
know whether we will be approved for adoption.'
She is prepared to wait - she is prepared for anything, in fact, that
will prevent her having to carry a child of her own.
There are those, no doubt, who would argue that as long as children
in
care are benefiting by being placed with caring adults, the modern
trends behind such choices are irrelevant.
But it is hard not to wonder with all these women whose interests are
really being put first - and how they can honestly profess to be too
busy or too afraid to give birth themselves.
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