We have three 15 year old girls at this point so most folks would say
that is a problem in and of itself. LOL Two of the girls have fit in
nicely and are trying to work on their problems and get them resolved.
One has even expressed a desire to be adopted when we can and we have
told her if it works out then we will do just that. The other girl is
new to us and is in foster care for the first time so she is feeling
her way through this process. But she appears to be level headed and
ready to do what she needs to do to get back on an even track. Both of
these girls are locals (same county) and both went into foster care
because of truancy and/or neglect issues.
A little about us. We are a level one home at this point and have been
fostering for 11 months. We had two girls before these three and even
had several emergency cases where they stayed only two days to a week.
Of the first two girls one aged out of the system and the other got to
return home. Wife is an LPN and we could easily become a higher level
home because she has the medical and emergency training.
The problem at this point has been an emotional/mental one with the
third girl that we now have. She came from across the state to be
placed back with her real dad. Her mother died when she was nine years
old and she went into foster care soon after her mother passed.
Her dad is a confirmed druggie and has been in and out of jail both on
this side of the state and the other end as well.
She is a white girl, but was in foster care with all black families
from the very start. She attended all black schools (when she went)
and learned to work the system through the families that she was with.
She was failed three or more drug tests in the big city she was in and
also contracted a veneral disease at some point but that was cleared
up before she came to us.
When she came to us in early June after school was let out she ran
from her dad on the very night she came home to him. He apparently
left her with some friends and it was more or less an crack house.
We took her in immediately and began to get attached to her probably
too quickly. She is a very intelligent girl and very pretty. She has a
world of potential that even she doesn't realize that she has.
Everything went great through the summer months and she also expressed
a desire to be adopted at some point.
She seemed to start going downhill as soon as school started in
August. We are in a rural community and the school is small and almost
all white. Only three mixed kids attend the school with the rest white
kids.
We thought that she might be able to revert to her ways when she was
young and lived with all white parents and went to all white schools
in all mostly all white areas. But she hasn't been able or even
willing to acclimate herself to her new surroundings. She has had
problems since day one at the school verbally abusing almost everyone,
but no physical violence yet. She just says that is the way we did
things in the old school and "no one disrespects me" and she doesn't
seem willing to even try to change her ways.
Not long after school started she was so "homesick" she began talking
to some of her old boyfriends online and it has got to the point that
she refuses to talk about her problems with anyone including her
psychiatrist, therapist, social worker, or even us. All she will say
is she wants to go back to the previous foster mom and thinks she will
be more comfortable there.
One of the old boyfriends is 19 already and even the threat of
anything statutory doesn't have any effect on her.He could be thrown
into jail for kidnapping even if she ran off with him consensually and
she doesn't seem to care.
Another problem that she doesn't seem to realize or care about is her
continued well being and schooling if she did go back across state.
She failed freshman year at the old big city school and no one, even
her foster mother could keep her on the right track. In other words
she did what she wanted, when she wanted and no one had much if any
supervision over her.
And finally she, unstated of course, will continue to cause problems
(lying, bickering with the other girls, etc.) if she doesn't get her
way and get moved back.
The agency that has her file seems unable to help much. They know the
problems that she had in her old city and don't really want to send
her back. They recognize her problems in this place, but no one seems
to be able to put their foot down and tell her she isn't going back to
the old place. They appear to be leaving her options open for as long
as they can.
And all this leaves us, the foster parents, in a bind as far as
knowing how to handle her. Like I stated before, she has almost
unlimited potential, but we can't break the chain or turn her to see
things in a new light. She has even backed away from the adoption
proceedings and appears to be ready to try to wear us down until she
gets her way
If anyone has any suggestions or can point us to some helpful advice
it would be very appreciated.
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