can't mobilize. got pay raise but something feels wrong about kinda
everything right now.
i know why it is. :(
but it's one of those secretive things that's really hard for me to
talk about.
so i'm going to talk around it cuz we still really need to talk.
something else right now, not work, is taking too much of my time and
energy. some of me is really addicted to it, it seems like.
i'm hoping this thing will ultimately help me stabilize my work and
such, but right now, it's just taking a lot of time and energy and
obsession.
I want *AWAY* from it!!!!!
please!!!! (talking to insiders here)
if i could just get away from it for a day or two (or forever,
preferably), i could continue with life. there will be up and down
times, but this thing is taking away my life energy. i went from 70%
to about 2% (or less) within hours of starting to engage in this
thing.
i want my life back.
i want to do what i would be doing.
but i can't - glued to this other thing.
i hate this.
and it's all my fault that i'm even in it.
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