It's two pages long - be sure to read the four comments as well!
http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/family/24068799.html?location_refer=Bios
Summary: S.G., a middle-aged woman with teenage kids, wants to "merge"
homes with her significant other, who also has teenage offspring. "I
feel it is time to merge our lives, as 'dating' is costly in time and
in maintaining two households, while living essentially the same life.
He says his kids will not react positively to a 'merger' and he will
'lose' them." Carolyn responds with sympathy for the man and his
children and ends with "Try proposing this: You and he plan on merging
your lives officially when the nests empty out on their own." (There
was no suggestion in the letter that he would be likely to agree or
not agree with that.)
So far, the commentators at various newspaper sites agree with
Carolyn, mostly. However, Betsy Hart did not - but she didn't quite
sympathize with the woman either. Here's why:
http://www.suntimes.com/lifestyles/betsyhart/1074386,CST-FTR-hart25.article
Excerpts:
Dear S.G.:
Betsy here. Listen up and wake up!
Three years of this? Are you kidding me? How do you know Mr. Wonderful
won't also object to a "merger" if it upsets his kids while they are
meeting their own spouses, having their babies, getting their own
divorces?
I'll make the safe assumption you are sleeping with him. One way to
find out Mr. Wonderful's true intentions? Stop doing so. Right now.
And not again until you are married. Period. This isn't (just) a moral
issue it's a "girl, get smart!" issue.......
And by the way, a marriage between you and him will only work if your
children see you two being united in dealing with them..........
And if Mr. Wonderful doesn't "get it," then he's not Mr. Wonderful,
and you need to stop wasting your time and move on.
(end of excerpts)
I think Hart's advice would be great IF they weren't already sleeping
together. Trouble is, since they HAVE been, for three years, most men
would see a Lysistrata act as nothing but domineering manipulation and
a sign to run like hell. Including all Mr. Wonderfuls.
Lenona.
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